


The Adventures of Erwin Smith, Mankind's Greatest Uncle

by Hamliet



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Crack, Cute Kids, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Healing, Humor, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, this is complete crack and i am not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9308912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamliet/pseuds/Hamliet
Summary: Of all the ways Erwin thought life could go after the Titans were defeated, this was not one of them.





	1. Prologue: How Erwin Smith Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Being an Uncle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like crack fics, you should probably stop reading now. :P
> 
> This takes place in an AU where a lot of what's canon happened-except nobody actually died.
> 
> Ships to be explored are Yumikuri, Jeanmarco, Eremika, Aruani, Springles, Levihan, Reibert, Hitch/Marlowe, Mikenana, Petruo.

Erwin never expected his life would turn out like this.

Dreamed it, maybe. But there were also times when he forgot to dream.

It was only six months after the titans were ended, and peace was declared between the Eldians and Mareyans. A tentative peace, as it still is. Hundreds of years of genocide on both sides can't be washed away by a few signatures, no matter how flourished they might be. Erwin was focused solely on trying to create a world without walls, even though so many people refused to leave them. Fear, maybe, fear of the unknown. They didn't believe the titans were eradicated, didn't believe in the brainwashing, chose to cling to the life they'd known, though Erwin couldn't relate.

When he chose to leave, settle a small town near the ocean the 104th division couldn't stop yapping about, Levi and Hange, Mike and Nanaba—most of the Survey Corps—said they'd stay, too.

"You can't," he tried to protest. "Peace will never come if we keep ourselves from mingling with the other Eldians, and the Mareyans too."

"I'm staying here," Levi told him with a scowl. "For now."

And secretly, Erwin was almost relieved. It's been seven years and he still wakes up each morning, leaves his tiny house and hears the sound of crashing waves, breathes the salted air, sees blimps flying overhead, and reminds himself that he's free.

_You were right, Dad._

Before the peace, Hange figured out a scientific way to save the titan shifters from dying after thirteen years, although she couldn't eradicate their ability to shift. As a result, Eren, Annie, Bertolt, Reiner, and Ymir needed to lie low, and chose this small place, with its evergreen forests and its blue ocean view. _It's a good place to live_ , Erwin decided.

But it was that same night when he announced he planned to stay that Mike and Nanaba told him. "We've been looking for a place to settle down. Though it does feel strange," Mike said, sniffing. "Not to fight."

 _Peace_. They'd all spent so much time longing for it, and when it came—no one knew what to do.

"Our child won't know fighting," Nanaba promised, one hand taking Mike's and the other over her stomach, and Erwin's jaw dropped.

" _Mike?"_

"Oh. Yeah," Mike said, avoiding his gaze. "We kind of—we're—celebrations got the best of us."

Nanaba's jaw dropped. "Mike!"

"You may have been humanity's second strongest soldier," Levi comments. "But you're about to get your ass whipped."

"Kidding, kidding!" Mike raises his free hand. "We're—we've been a thing. For awhile now."

Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose. "How did I not know?"

"Because believe it or not, you don't have to know everything," cracked Hange.

Erwin thought of Nile and Marie, and their three kids. _You'll never have to fight, either._ "Congratulations," he told Mike and Nanaba, both of whom blushed.

When Nanaba went into labor, Hange was the one who delivered the child while Levi and Erwin paced outside, listening to the woman scream like she was being devoured by titans.

 _But this was life coming, not death,_ Erwin reminded himself.

When Mike called them in, Erwin didn't know what to do. The baby was so small—he fit almost entirely on one of Mike's huge hands. Hange assured them the baby was actually quite large, but Erwin couldn't see it. A tiny baby, crying, born in a world of peace.

"Did you tell him?" Nanaba asked hoarsely.

"What? Oh." Mike reddened, straightening. "We've decided to name our son Erwin. After you. If you don't mind."

"Hmph." Levi snorts.

"No," Erwin answered as Mike handed him the child—his namesake. "No, I don't mind."

 _Why would you want to name a child after_ me, _though? After all the lives I've sacrificed?_

The baby burst into tears, and Erwin's heart leapt to his throat. He had no idea how to calm him, and he was so small, so fragile—Erwin quickly handed him back to Nanaba.

But it didn't stop with Mike or Nanaba. First, Historia and Ymir adopted a Mareyan orphan whose mother died at birth and named her Frieda. Then that other baby at the orphanage who cried for days calmed down only when Marco held him, so Jean and Marco took him in. By the time Erwin heard Eren and Mikasa's news, his head was spinning.

"But you're kids," he protested.

"We're young," Eren counters. "We're not children."

 _No,_ Erwin had to agree. _You never were._

Maxim and Carla, the twins, were eleven months old when Erwin visited them after a long trip across Paradi. By that time Annie and Armin were dealing with a fussy newborn Mira and Reiner and Bertolt had adopted Emma, and Hange looked as if she could go into labor at any moment. Levi paced back and forth in Eren and Mikasa's house, muttering.

"Well, at least the world's getting more Ackermans," Erwin tried to joke.

"Never joke about my kid like that!" Levi ranted while Mikasa glared. Eren, bags drooping under his eyes, struggling to entertain Carla, who looked like a mini-Eren.

"Say 'titan,'" Annie encouraged Carla, crouching in front of the small child.

"Annie, what are you doing?" demanded Mikasa.

"I will drive your husband insane if it is the last thing I do," Annie responded with a yawn. Despite having come from this land out here, she didn't seem any more used to peace. And Reiner and Bertolt even turned down returning to their hometowns to remain with them, for reasons Erwin still could not understand.

If the people in the wall lived in hell… so did they, Erwin knew. They were raised in the flames, and none of them will ever fully heal.

"Annie, what the hell?" shrieked Armin, cradling Mira against his chest.

"Don't swear in front of the kids!" Erwin said automatically.

"Annie, you—" Mikasa started.

"Ti-tan," Carla eked out.

"Yeah!" Annie grinned. Armin groaned.

Eren raced over. "She's _talking!"_

"It doesn't even bother you that she said titan?" Erwin asked.

"Say, 'Daddy,'" Eren urged. Carla leaned her head back.

"Levi, my water broke," Hange interrupted them all.

Isabel was born seven hours later.

And after that it's all a blur. Petra and Oruo had Lily a year later, three days before Sasha and Connie had Gabriel. Three months after that, Erwin Jr. got a little brother in the form of Erik, and a year later, Isabel became a big sister to Kuno, and Historia and Ymir adopted Tanya and Reiner and Bertolt, Johann. Sasha gave birth to Nora the next year, and Historia and Ymir added a third child, Astrid, a year after that, because their hands weren't already full enough. Only Hitch and Marlowe remained childfree.

But the night everything changed for Erwin took place when it was when Erwin Jr. was three and Isabel was one. Nanaba invited them over for dinner. She mad a salad with fresh greens and strawberries, and meat, and Erwin still had to remind himself that yes, they were free, the titans were gone, people were restored and peace was accomplished, if only for now.

" _You aren't naïve enough to think mankind won't launch itself into another war, are you?" Nile asked him when he visited the past month._

" _No," Erwin admitted._

Erwin Jr., that night, decided to bring the battle to his house, commencing at bedtime. He threw his milk onto the floor and screamed. "I don't _wanna!"_

"Erwin," Nanaba said firmly. "Come with me right now."

"No!" the child wailed, face red and tears streaming.

"You're tired," Nanaba attempted to reason. Her stomach protruded, six months along with Erik. "You played so many games with Reiner earlier."

Erwin smirks, as he remembers Erwin Jr. referring to Reiner as his adventure friend. Although Levi still grouses that he doesn't want his daughter hanging around the armored titan.

Having peace is strange.

"I'm _not!"_

"Erwin," Mike snapped, rising and striding over to his son. It's strange to hear his name said in _that_ tone from Mike. "Don't disobey your mother."

Isabel burst into tears.

"Aw, shit," complained Levi.

"Shh," Hange whispered, grabbing her daughter and a set of plastic keys Erwin bought for her in the Mareyan city. "See, Izzy?"

Isabel just screamed harder.

"Food?" Levi offered, digging through their ever-present bag and pulling out a bottle. Hange snatched it and offered it to the baby. Isabel sobbed and pushed it away.

"She's been cranky all day," Hange muttered.

"Does she have a fever?" Levi demanded.

"I think I would know, Levi. No. She's just getting another tooth." Hange smoothed Isabel's dark hair, rocking her back and forth.

"Do we have any numbing medication?" Levi continues ransacking the bag.

" _No!"_ howled Erwin Jr. as Mike hauled him up.

The noise scratched at Erwin's brain. He pushed his chair back and got to his feet. "Thank you for dinner, Nanaba. It was wonderful."

"Time for bed," Mike insisted.

"You're welcome," Nanaba said wearily, wiping a strand of hair from her eyes.

"I found it!" Levi exulted, pulling out a small brown bottle. "Open your mouth, Izzy, I'll—"

"She hates the taste, Levi," Hange warned.

 _This is chaos,_ Erwin decided. "I'll see you tomorrow, I'm sure."

"I did make dessert," Nanaba said, shoulder slumping.

"Oh—well—" Erwin stammered. His namesake still screams. Levi pleads with his daughter to open her mouth. Erwin inches towards the door. "I think I should just—"

"Get back here, eyebrows!" Levi shouted as he finally manages to dab the brush on Isabel's gums.

"Uncle privileges?" Erwin suggested.

"Not a chance." Levi glared.

"Catch!" Mike hollered, tossing his son through the air.

"Mike!" Erwin shouted, but he jumped forward and caught the kid against his chest. Heart pounding, Erwin glared at Mike. "What were you _thinking?"_

"It's not far, Erwin," Mike pointed out.

"But I only have one arm—"

A giggle split the air.

 _Huh?_ Erwin glanced down to see the little boy laughing, a grin across his face. He throws his arms around Erwin's neck. Shock coursed through Erwin.

_Oh._

He wrapped his arm tighter around the boy, who pressed his face into Erwin's neck. "You're strong," Erwin Jr. told him.

"You will be too," Erwin promised. "With your parents, you'll definitely be strong."

Isabel quieted down, Levi bouncing her up and down. He smirked at Erwin.

"Dessert?" suggested Nanaba. "I made pumpkin bread. Annie's recommendation."

"Okay," Erwin agreed, as the toddler grows heavier against his arm. He eased himself back into one of those simple chairs, waiting for Erwin Jr. to fall asleep, realizing that the child trusted him so much, trusted in his goodness, trusted that he would catch him.

 _I'm not really that good_ , Erwin thinks as he remembers all of the soldiers he led into hell.

 _But Mike and Nanaba still named him for me._ The kid nestles deeper into his arm, and a lump grows in Erwin's throat. He has Nanaba's cheeks and eyes, and Mike's nose.

 _I want you to enjoy peace,_ Erwin thought. And for the first time, he realized he almost has a slight glimpse of what Mike, Nanaba, Levi, Hange, and all the rest of the soldiers are doing. _Children are terrifying and obnoxious and precious and hope._

That was four years ago. Today, Erwin pulls on gloves—the lingering winter cold seeps into his bones, makes him almost forget he doesn't have two arms. Snow covers the ground, fresh and thick. He grins.

Ever since that night, Erwin's been determined to be the greatest uncle he can be. Which is probably why Historia's called on him to help today…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Updates will be on Fridays.


	2. Erwin Smith, Snowball Fight Commander

"I don't understand the point of this," complains Levi. "So Historia got some inspiration from a Marleyan city and decides she can recreate it here?"

"That's what she said," Erwin confirms. Historia often has to travel to and from various Eldian and Marleyan cities. As the former queen, the people in the walls still look to her for inspiration, and she advises the democratic government set up, comprised of Marleyan, Eldian, and former walled people.

"Well, I'm glad I'm heading back to the walls today," Levi grumbles as they march through the snow.

"Isabel's not, though, I bet," Erwin jokes.

Levi snorts. "She cried last night and kept asking why I had to leave." He bites his lip. "Make sure everything's okay while I'm gone, won't you?"

"You know I will," Erwin confirms. His hand aches—his nonexistent hand. He winces.

"You know we _can_ get you one of those prosthetics," Levi tells him. "But I'm assuming that, like the other eighty times we've offered, you'll refuse."

Erwin brushes his shoulder against a tree, in an attempt to squelch the pain. _Why, after so many years?_ "I don't mind having one arm. And the prosthetic wouldn't be for anything but looks anyways. The kids don't seem to mind."

Levi nods. "Yeah, well."

"Shit!" they hear a voice from the forest shout. A thud echoes, and a crack. "Shit, shit, shit!"

Levi stiffens, and instantly, he and Erwin are on defense. Levi's hands fly to his hips, grab the blade he still carries, even if he doesn't carry maneuver gear anymore.

"Who's there?" Erwin bellows.

Silence. Then, footsteps tromp towards them.

" _Marlowe?"_ Erwin gapes. Of all the people to be swearing up a storm in a forest, he would be the last one Erwin would ever expect.

"Cap—Levi. Erwin." Marlowe nods at them. He still hasn't adjusted fully to addressing them without the titles of _captain_ or _commander_.

Truth to be told, Erwin doesn't miss the title at all.

"I made Hitch mad." Marlowe rolls his eyes. "I'm an idiot."

"What else is new?" Levi quips, dodging melting snow that falls from a tree and narrowly misses his head. "We already know the latter, as well."

"Just go apologize," Erwin encourages. "She'll forgive you."

"Well—it's a bit complicated—" Marlowe claps his ungloved hands together, red and cracking from the cold. He grits his teeth. "I'll figure it out."

"What happened?" Levi asks in amusement.

"I—didn't react to something the way she wanted me to react," Marlowe admits, lowering his head. The kid hasn't changed his haircut, as Erwin has heard Jean taunting him every time they run into each other. Not that any of them really have, although Mikasa's grown hers out more.

 _We're still soldiers, in a way,_ Erwin reflects. _Will we ever get to move on?_

"Could this have to do with why she was visiting Hange yesterday?" Levi continues, his breath forming puffs in the air.

"Is Hitch all right?" Erwin asks in alarm.

"Well, she thought she was dying," Levi remarks.

"You know?" Marlowe gapes at him, and then stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Though, I guess I'm not really surprised."

"What is going on?" Erwin demands, although he has a sneaking suspicion.

"Hitch is pregnant," Marlowe confesses. "It wasn't planned." He yanks his hands up to his skull and grabs it as if he'd like to squeeze his brains out. "We didn't plan on kids. Hitch always says they're messy and annoying."

"Hitch is correct," Levi informs him. "Too bad I love them anyways. My own, at least."

Erwin steps out, reaching for Marlowe's hand. He grasps it and shakes it. "Congratulations."

"See, this is a good reaction," Marlowe says, guilt muddying his face. His lips tremble. "I just—I panicked. Hitch wasn't happy and told me to leave her alone."

"The hell did you say to her?" Levi demands.

Marlowe shakes his head.

"Marlowe, Hitch loves you," Erwin points out. "I'm sure she'll—"

"I told her that if she wanted a child, she could have told me, asked me," Marlowe blurts out.

 _You did not._ Erwin's jaw drops. The sun peeks out behind the clouds, sending needles of warmth through the trees. Erwin inhales. _Spring's coming._

"And then she reminded me that it was me who wanted to be spontaneous a few months ago, and—" Marlowe halts, covering his face with his hands as if mortified. "I can't believe I'm talking about this."

"Neither can we," Levi says dryly.

"I didn't mean it; I was just—shocked."

"Are you happy?" Erwin questions. Laughter rings in the distance. It's almost time for him to meet up with Historia.

Marlowe bites his lip. "I think so. Scared, but I want—I know I want it, so—"

"You've got lots of people willing to help you," Erwin reminds him. He can only imagine what Annie's reaction will be.

"I need to be off," Levi announces. "Good luck, brat."

"Is he ever going to stop calling us that?" Marlowe asks, watching Levi march off, towards his cabin

"Probably not," Erwin admits.

"Uncle Erwin!" screams Maxim, flying over to him and throwing his arms around his knees. Erwin still can't believe this child is six already. He has Mikasa's eyes, hair, and face, with Eren's eye color. Carla, on the other hand, looks entirely like Eren, but with Mikasa's dark eyes. "And Uncle Marlowe." He gives Marlowe a hug too. "What're we doing today?"

"You want to help out?" Erwin asks Marlowe. "Or continue to stew in the memory of what you said? I presume Hitch is going to Historia and Ymir's."

Marlowe nods. "Um, sure."

"Hey," interrupts Annie's voice. "Marlowe."

He pales. Erwin waits. Mira clings to the back of Annie's legs.

"Take special care of Mira, all right?"

Marlow's shoulders visibly drop in relief. "I will."

"Don't go," sobs Mira as Annie crouches down.

"I have your books right here, okay, sweetheart?" Annie asks, holding out books that look like they're for a nine year old, instead of a five year old. Of course, considering that this is Armin's daughter, Erwin shouldn't be terribly surprised. Annie smooths Mira's blond ponytail. "Go have fun. I won't be long."

"Mira!" squeals Isabel, skipping over. "My dad left this morning, too." She scowls. "Let's go find Emma."

"O-okay," Mira stammers, clutching the books to her chest.

At least that's settled. Emma, Isabel, and Mira seem to form something of a clique whenever Erwin sees them together. And if Emma's nearby, that means Reiner and Bertolt will be too, and Erwin will need Reiner to help tire these kids out.

"Hi, Uncle Me," calls Erwin Jr. Erik skips along next to him, with his best friend Kuno. Erik takes after Mike and towers over the other kids, whereas Kuno takes after Levi and stands at least two heads shorter.

"Plan?" asks Marlowe.

"Reiner suggested a planned snowball fight," Erwin reports. "Bertolt will make hot chocolate for after." He clears his throat, backing into the middle of the large meadow in the center of town, the one they use for sports when it's warm out. "Everyone!"

All the heads swivel to look at him. _I guess I've still got it._ And thank goodness, Reiner appears with Johann. "How many of you like hot chocolate?"

" _Me,"_ chorus all of the kids except Maxim.

"We know you don't like it, Maxim, and we've got something different for you," Reiner tells the kid, who grins.

"Who doesn't like hot chocolate?" bursts out Lukas, apparently channeling the spirit of one of his fathers.

"He's my brother. Leave him alone," snaps Carla, a scarf securely wrapped around her neck.

"Well, we're going to play a game," Erwin tells them. "We'll have two teams, and each team will have a flag on the opposite side. If you want to win hot chocolate, you have to cross the line in the middle to get the flag, but if you get hit by a snowball, you get sent to the other teams' prison."

"So basically a military-type drill," Marlowe mutters.

 _Is it?_ Erwin sighs.

"Can we just read?" calls Isabel, sitting in the snow between Mira and Emma, whose curls look as if they've exploded from her head and who's dressed like a princess, as always, because to Reiner and Bertolt, she basically is.

"Fine," Erwin agrees.

"Where is my mom even going?" asks a small voice. Erwin whirls around to see Lily, red-haired and pig-tailed, scowling. She looks exactly like Petra and acts exactly like Oruo.

"Aunt Historia is hosting a relaxation day," Erwin tells her. Complete with… whatever it was Historia said. Covering their fingernails with paint. Something like that.

"Oh." Lily shrugs. "Can I read too?"

Erwin groans. "If you really want to."

Lily skips over to the other girls as Erwin puts Carla, Frieda, Tanya, Kuno, and Erik against Lukas, Maxim, Erwin, Gabriel, and Johann. "Reiner, you're with Carla and the others; Marlowe, you're with Lukas's team."

"What about you?" demands Lukas.

"I'm the referee, here to make sure everything's fair," Erwin responds. It's strange, adopting the concept of fairness, when Erwin learned so early that nothing is fair. He tries to shake off the unsettling thoughts.

"Are you okay?" asks Johann, eyes wide. He may not be Reiner or Bertolt's biological child, but damn if he doesn't look like he could be—he's tall and thin like Bertolt, but with blond hair and Reiner's square-shaped face. Whereas Emma doesn't resemble them at all, with her wild hair and tiny stature.

"I'm fine," Erwin says, smiling down. He inhales two lungfuls of cold, sharp air. The memories fade.

"Uncle Erwin!" wails Lily, running back over to him. "Emma, Izzy, and Mira won't let me join them!"

 _Great_. Erwin marches over to the girls. Emma looks confident, Izzy scared, and Mira confused. "Who told Lily she can't join?" _Why do kids keep trying to exclude each other when they don't have to?_

"She's younger," Emma retorts.

"I don't think your parents will be very happy to hear about this," Erwin says as he notices Reiner approaching. Emma gulps.

"Okay then," Reiner says. "Then Emma, you don't get to read either. Go join your brother's team. Lily, how about Carla and Frieda's?"

"Sorry," Emma whispers.

"Good girl," Reiner tells her.

"Isabel, you're with your brother," Erwin says. "Mira, go with Emma. I'll keep your books safe. I promise."

"I'm sorry, Lily," Mira tells her in a small voice.

"Begin!" Erwin roars, and he sees a strange look on Reiner's face and knows he's flashing back to something too.

" _No, I haven't thought about what to tell them," Erwin overheard Reiner saying when Emma was two. "I don't know what I could say—I just—I don't want her to hate me."_

Shrieks interrupt his cloudy thoughts. "Hey!" Erwin shouts as Carla and Frieda take it upon themselves to tackle Lukas and Maxim. "Snowballs! No hitting!"

"Let me _go_ ," whines Lukas as Carla cackles.

"Carla said you were annoying her last night," Frieda, a girl with dark chestnut hair and the perfect disposition of Ymir, tells Maxim.

A snowball lands on Frieda's face. She blinks.

"Got you!" crows Erwin Jr.

"Let's go!" Carla leaps up and charges across the border, Frieda on her heels as they attempt to dodge snowballs.

Gabriel and Johann get sent to the jail, which Tanya guards. Erwin's teeth chatter as snow soaks his legs. He holds Mira's books in his arm. The sun, at least, feels warm, but not warm enough.

At least Marlowe's smiling now.

"What are you doing?" Reiner calls, heading over towards the 'prison' which is really just so compiled snow walls. Erwin frowns as he notices Tanya sitting next to Gabriel and Johann.

"Oops," Gabriel says, blinking his huge eyes, Sasha's eyes. A small box of candy sits empty, and Tanya and Gabriel both have smears on their faces.

"Where did you get that?" Erwin asks.

"I stole it from my mom," Gabriel whispers. "When she was busy with Nora."

 _The apple doesn't fall far from the tree,_ Erwin thinks.

Reiner groans. _They're all going to crash soon,_ Erwin knows.

"We win!" cheers Carla, holding the flag aloft. Maxim sticks his tongue out at his sister.

Lukas rolls his eyes. "It was a dumb game anyways."

"You shouldn't say that," Carla reprimands him. "It was Erwin's idea. Erwin's not dumb."

 _Depends on whom you ask._ But Erwin grins. "Hey, it's all right."

"I want my mom and dad," Mira whimpers, hair drooping out of her ponytail.

"My dad's making us hot chocolate," Emma tells Mira, grabbing her hand. "It'll be fun, Mira, I promise."

Erwin can't help remembering the nights when he cried for his father, begged the sky and the stars and anyone out there to give him his father back, because he wanted him. But all the while, a nagging voice taunted him: _you don't deserve him back. He's gone because of you._

"Come on," Reiner says, taking in Erwin's pale face. "I'll race you!"

"I'm faster!" calls Erwin Jr., rushing after Reiner. Kuno and Erik hold hands as they dart ahead. Mira allows Emma to pull her forward.

Erwin arrives and does a head count, assuring himself that all the kids are there. Bertolt gives him a small smile. The tall boy still sometimes acts like he's guilty.

Erwin, too, knows a guilt that will never go away.

"Were you all right?" Reiner asks him as Bertolt gives the kids hot chocolate.

Erwin nods. All of them know that pale look, know the feeling of trauma sneaking back up on you years after you thought you buried it.

" _What if I can never fully leave it behind?" Erwin asked Hange one evening, when his arm throbbed and he couldn't sleep. Kuno was a newborn, and Levi paced back and forth, cradling him against his chest. "The memories, and my—the way I am." A commander._

" _I don't think we can," Hange said, brushing her bangs back from her exhausted eyes. "We just have to… channel it into something different. Making something better."_

Watching the kids giggle and tease each other puts a smile on Erwin's face. It calms him, reassures him that there's a future, that they will be all right. Bertolt crouches next to Emma, and Erwin cringes to remember that there was a time he considered it necessary to kill him.

"Where do you get your energy from?" Erwin tries to joke with Reiner. "Making them race was a good distraction."

"Carla one. Ackerman genes," Reiner admits, rolling his eyes. "I don't know. That's something they drilled into us during our training." His face grows serious. "If you were tired, you couldn't let it show."

Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie don't talk much about those years, but from the few things they have said, Erwin can't imagine they were anything but torturous, training children to be mass-murderers.

 _We're not all that different. We trained them to be soldiers_. Granted, they had ignorance on their side. To whatever extent ignorance absolves.

"Sometimes I look at Emma," Reiner says. "And I remember that we were that age when our parents gave us to be Warriors. And I can't—" He draws in a ragged breath.

 _I was around Erwin Jr.'s age when I betrayed my father,_ Erwin thinks. His namesake gulps hot chocolate, the dark liquid forming a mustache over his upper lip. Kuno and Erik knock against him, and he shoves both of them.

 _He's really too young to understand._ And the thought of anything happening to Mike, and what Erwin's reaction would be—Erwin's stomach ties up in a knot, and he could vomit. _He's too young to know that kind of sorrow._

The door slams open, and Erwin jumps, adrenaline shooting through him.

"Just me," Ymir says, carrying one-year-old Astrid on her hip.

"Mom!" shrieks Tanya, rushing over to her. Frieda continues chatting with Carla, and Ymir rolls her eyes.

"Is it over?" Erwin asks.

"Sort of. Turns out, having a day off without the kids is great, but also some are kind of missing them," Ymir say as she ruffles Tanya's hair. "So we finished early. Also, I'm going to take most of the kids over there with me, because we want to terrify Hitch about what's coming."

Marlowe gulps.

"Yes, you. You're in big trouble, idiot," Ymir tells him. "With your wife, and with Annie."

Erwin rubs his chin. _This could be interesting._

"I can take them from here," Ymir says. "If you guys want to get Lukas home. Thanks for watching them."

"Of course," Bertolt says quietly, with a nod.

"Gabriel stole some candy," Erwin reports to Ymir.

"Did he? Good for you, kid." Ymir grins as the kids gather around her. "Frieda, let's go!" she hollers.

"Fine," grumbles Frieda, prying herself up.

Erwin accompanies Ymir as they step outside. The days are getting longer now, and the ground squishes under his feet, mud grappling to pull his boots off his feet. Spring's coming, and them summer, and another year with no walls.

"Exhausted yet, Marlowe?" Ymir jeers.

"It was fun, too," Marlowe counters.

"Oh good. Hitch will like that answer."

As they make their way over to Historia and Ymir's little cabin, the door flings open.

"Mom!" shrieks Mira.

"Mira!" Annie drops to her knees, throwing her arms around her little girl. And then her eyes land on Marlowe.

"I'm sorry," he blurts out.

"For what?" questions Lily.

"Did he say a bad word?" asks Gabriel.

Hitch emerges, her nails done in sparkling pink. _Interesting_. It's strange to be immersed in a life where they can devote hours to luxury and not feel guilty about it.

 _But for how long?_ Erwin wonders, thinking of Levi's trip.

"Hitch, I'm so sorry," Marlowe begins. "I—"

She pulls him close and kisses him. Erwin snorts.

"Ew!" shriek Carla and Frieda.

Something buzzes in the sky overhead as Mikasa emerges, heading for her twins. Eren appears on their porch, which is right across from Historia's, and he grins at his kids.

Erwin looks up to see a blimp flying.

"Can I fly?" Maxim asks, eyes wide as Eren's boots crunch the ground as he heads over to his son.

Eren pauses, and his eyes meet Erwin's. "Someday, I don't see why not."


	3. Protective Uncle Mode

Levi is going to really break Erwin's legs this time.

Spring blooms over their tiny unnamed—whatever it is. Town? Village? Settlement? Erwin doesn't even know. Snow dissolves into the ground, transformed grass into muddy soup. The air grows warmer, and everyone starts spending more time outside. Levi keeps making trips back to the walls, to Marleyan cities, but when Erwin questions him, he won't get specific about why.

When they first struck peace, Erwin offered to work with the Marleyans and the other Eldians, but they refused his offer. " _We don't need someone who only knows war."_

" _Like I'm any better?" Levi retorted, and they agreed he wasn't, and that was that. Whatever the struggles of maintaining a fragile peace, Erwin knew he would not be privy to that, unless someone asked for his opinion._

But for some reason, they've been calling on Levi lately. And Levi won't explain why, and Erwin can't deny that it's bothering him. Old doubts, things he was always moving too fast to let bother him, surface and sink their teeth into his sleep, tearing him awake with dreams and injecting him with terror.

_What if all I am is a murderer?_

Even if it was for a good cause, one he ultimately succeeded in, is he pardonable? Does Levi resent him, now that he's had time to stop and think?

"Are you okay, Erwin?" Nanaba presses, and he can only assure her he is. A nagging voice tells him he should talk to Bertolt and Reiner, Annie even, try and figure out how they can move on.

_They had less agency than you._

And Annie has Mira, and Bertolt and Reiner, Emma and Johann. They have to keep going.

Erwin has no one, and some nights, he'll admit he's lonely.

"You have a letter," sings Historia, skipping over to hand him the paper. Erwin recognizes the handwriting.

 _Nile_.

Erwin tears the letter open and reads. Nile hopes to visit with Marie and the kids, if Erwin will have them.

 _Could I have had that life?_ Erwin wonders, the sun dripping down his back, his empty shoulder.

Tanya shrieks with laughter. _Then you'd never have this one._

"Okay," Ymir says as Tanya, Frieda, Carla, and Isabel gather around her. She sits on the steps, a devious grin on her face. Historia settles on the railing of their porch, a sleeping Astrid nestled against her chest.

"What are you up to?" Erwin calls.

"You can't punish us anymore," Ymir jokes as she pulls out a small bottle of what Erwin recognizes as that sweet, carbonated beverages Hange likes. Levi often brings it back from his trips.

"As if I ever did," Erwin replies, crouching down.

"It's a trick I remember," Ymir says. "From before."

"Before what?" Izzy asks, tugging at her pigtails.

_Before, when they pretended you were a goddess._

_Did you ever dream you could live a life like this?_

"Before some bad things happened," Ymir answers. Historia frowns.

"Before she was turned into a titan," Frieda says, leaning her head against her mom's shoulder.

"But she was a good titan," Izzy insists.

"Not always," Ymir admits, rolling her eyes.

"Huh? Tanya's eyes widen.

"People change," Historia calls.

"So bad people can be good if they want to?" asks Carla, flopping down in the mud. _Great,_ Erwin thinks. _Mikasa will be thrilled._

"Exactly," he confirms for her. "People make choices, sometimes bad ones, but they can always choose to be good." He hopes. As he says it, some of the searing shame melts off his own heart. _Maybe I do believe this_.

"Anyways," Ymir says as she opens the container of soda. "What I'm about to show you, should only be done with your parents' permission, or else that will be a _bad_ choice."

Historia laughs. The kids lean in.

"See these candies?" Ymir asks, holding up a bag.

"They taste like chalk," Carla objects. Frieda nods.

"Agreed, which is why there are better things to do with them than eat them. Like this." Ymir grins. "Erwin, back up."

He moves back. _What's going to happen?_

"All of you behind Erwin!" Ymir warns.

The girls scamper behind him. Ymir unwraps the candy and hesitates. "Ready?"

"Ready!" the girls chorus.

"Now!" Ymir dumps the candies into the bottle and leaps back as soda shoots straight into the air, frothing. Tanya screams. Frieda and Carla burst into giggles.

"That is _so cool!"_ Isabel shrieks.

Ymir dusts her hands off, still grinning. Erwin shakes his head.

"Wow," Historia breathes.

"I win our bet. I told you it would do that," Ymir says triumphantly.

Historia nods and hops down, still carrying Astrid. She kisses Ymir, long and deep.

"Ew," grumbles Tanya.

"It's romantic," declares Frieda.

"My mom loves this stuff," Isabel declares as she reaches out to dab her palms in the bubbling mixture soaking the ground. "I like tea better myself."

"Your dad's proud of you for that, I'm sure," Erwin comments.

"She'd love this trick," Isabel gushes.

_Oh no._

Hange will indeed love it.

Levi, on the other hand…

* * *

"What the hell?" Levi explodes as he approaches his house, eyes wide in horror. He gapes at Hange and Erwin.

Isabel, her hair dripping and sticky soda coating her dress, squeals. "You're back!"

"What happened here?" Levi cries out as Isabel rushes over, throwing her arms around him. He grunts, and then kneels to embrace her, cringing as the drink no doubt soaks into his own clothes. "What did you _do_ , Hange?"

"You can blame Ymir," Erwin reports. Kuno waves at his dad and continues playing in the mud nearby. He shapes the mud into what look like cookies, arranging them on a rock to "bake" in the sun. Erwin's already had to pretend to eat three.

"I blame _you_ , Hange."

She snickers. "Izzy, let's show Daddy what we've been doing."

"If it will create more mess, I advise you not to."

"You'll get over it." Hange winks.

Levi turns a murderous gaze onto Erwin. He shrugs.

"Look!" Isabel crows, hopping up and down on one foot. "Watch."

Loki's face strains, as if someone's plucking out his fingernails one at a time. Isabel dumps the candy in the bottle, and it shoots straight into the air.

"How many bottles have you destroyed like this?" Levi asks wearily.

"About a dozen," Hange says cheerfully.

"Can confirm," Erwin admits.

"I'm going to get Bertolt to eat you all," Levi grumbles.

"How was your trip?" Hange asks brightly.

"Not as productive as I would have liked." Levi shrugs. "I did pick up chocolate for Marlowe to give Hitch."

Erwin can't help but roll his eyes. Hitch seems to really be playing up the fact that she's pregnant and therefore can't do anything, and Marlowe's only too happy to cater to her.

"They want you to visit the city in two weeks." Levi grimaces. An owl hoots.

"I see." Hange nods.

"What's going on?" Erwin can't help but ask. The grim tone Levi's using—something isn't right, and damn if Erwin doesn't want to try and fix it. And why is Levi keeping this from him? _It has to concern us—me, or someone in this place_.

 _Clunk_.

Erwin spins around to see Isabel climbing up the railing on their small porch, sticking her arms out for balance.

"Isabel!" Hange yelps.

"Get down from there!" Levi shouts.

Erwin lunges for her, but Isabel wobbles, her arms flailing as she tumbles back and smacks into the ground.

 _I missed,_ Erwin realizes, cold sweat beading the back of his neck. Nausea bubbles in his stomach. "Izzy—" He grabs her arm.

She bursts into tears, but she's moving her arms and legs, and her head seems to be fine. Hange and Levi swarm her, Levi pressing Isabel against his chest, his face pale.

"Look in my eyes, Isabel," Hange directs, examining her daughter's pupils.

"There's blood," wails Isabel.

It's just a scrape on her knee. Still, Erwin plucks out a handkerchief and dabs at it. Isabel clutches her father's shoulder, and Levi presses his cheek against her sticky hair. Erwin's never seen him so shaken.

"It's okay," Levi keeps murmuring. "You're okay. You're okay."

"Daddy?" interrupts Kuno's voice.

"Yeah?" Levi turns over his shoulder.

"I made a cookie for you." Kuno holds out a small mud patty.

"Thank you, Kuno," Levi chokes out, taking it gingerly. Erwin smirks as he sees Levi pretending to eat dirt, pain etched in his features. He narrows his eyes at Erwin as if to say _don't you dare mention this again._

Levi carries both of his kids into the cabin, leaving Erwin and Hange to gather the bottles and candy wrappers. Crickets start to chirp as the sun dims, and a chill skips down Erwin's spine. "So."

"Hm?" Hange asks absently, pushing her glasses back on her nose.

"What exactly are you and Levi up to?" Erwin finally demands.

"You mean for once you don't know?" Hange jokes.

"No. And I don't like that feeling."

"Well, what _do_ you know?" Hange prompts, crossing her arms. A bag of soda bottles sits at her feet.

"Someone's in danger. Someone in this town." Erwin studies Hange's face. "It can't be you or Levi, or you would say something. Top guesses include Reiner and Bertolt's family, Armin and Annie's, Historia and Ymir's, or Eren and Mikasa's. Or myself."

"Solid guesses," Hange confirms.

"You don't even know who it is," Erwin says as the realization dawns on him. "Do you?"

Marco passes by with Lukas, waving at them. Erwin waves back, half-heartedly.

"No," Hange admits, and she kicks the bag of bottles, clenching her fists.

"How bad is it?" Erwin demands, trying to keep his frustration down. _Why don't they trust him?_ "Hange, you and Levi—"

"I didn't tell you because I know how tired you are," Levi's voice interrupts. The door bangs behind him as he stalks back outside.

"What?" Erwin asks.

"You. You're tired." Levi crosses his arms, craning his neck to stare up into his former commander's face.

"We all are," Hange says softly.

"I'm not _useless_."

"No, but I also don't want you to— _dammit_ , Erwin!" Levi grips his hair. "Do I have to keep your legs in a perpetually broken state to keep you from galloping into something that will kill you?"

"So it's—"

"No, you're not the one in danger!" Levi shouts. "But you _will_ be if you get involved, and I do not want you to be a commander again, okay?"

Hange cringes. Erwin feels like his heart's been doused in icy water.

"Shit," Levi says. "I didn't mean it like that." He glances to Hange.

"I see," Erwin says, but it's like that door he's been throwing all his weight against to keep shut, the door to all the ghosts of the dead, the dead he indirectly killed, finally flings open and he can hear them all. _What worth did I have as a commander if I led so many to their deaths?_

_It was for the greater good. You solved it. Mankind is now free._

_Is it?_

"See, this is exactly what I meant!" Levi shouts, as the evening shadows fall over his face, indigo and red, like a bruise. "Erwin, you—you already did your job, okay? You saved humanity, and we're all really grateful for that, and so we'd kind of like you to get some rest and stop running towards something that will kill you."

Erwin's jaw hangs open.

"Shit!" Levi says again.

"Sentiment doesn't sit well with him," Hange comments dryly. "Or so he pretends. But yes, Erwin, he wants to protect you for once. Although we do miss your mind."

 _Protect_ me?

Erwin's always been the one needing to sacrifice, pushing for it, willing to lay down anything and everything—his conscience, his life, the lives of so many others. It was his duty as the commander of the Survey Corps.

His brain still can't fathom that it isn't anymore.

"What if I want to help?" Erwin demands. "Because these are my friends, too."

"It's not them," Hange says. "It's their kids."

Erwin feels like someone punched him in the gut. "What?"

Levi meets Erwin's eyes, and Erwin wishes Mike were here so he could shove the brat's face into the mud again. "Who else knows?"

"No one."

"Not even the people at risk?" Erwin asks.

"No." Levi studies his boots.

"Smart decision," Erwin acquiesces.

Levi heaves a sigh. "Even now I can't keep anything from you, can I, Eyebrows?"

Erwin shrugs. Hange chortles. "You never could."

"I'm aware." Levi swallows. "It's either Mira, or Carla and Maxim."

Erwin's heart seizes as he thinks of shy Mira with her books, of Carla giggling and braiding Frieda's hair, of Maxim tagging along with Erwin Jr. like he's everything he wants to be. "And what precisely is going on?" he manages as the sky above continues to darken.

Levi drops down onto a porch stair. It creaks. "It turns out not everyone is happy with peace."

"Not surprising," Hange chimes in as she takes a seat next to her husband.

Erwin drops onto the bottom step, stretching out his legs. "It's hard to adjust to." Although he can't fathom wanting to go back to war, to fighting monsters.

_Don't you? Some nights? Because it's easier, because it's what you know?_

Vomit surges up Erwin's throat.

"Some claim that peace won't be totally achieved until the last of the titans are destroyed. The majority of the population aren't in that camp though, because most people do think all the titans were destroyed. But others want to exploit the titans—especially those who had kids."

"So it can't be Ymir and Historia, or Reiner and Bertolt," Erwin reasons. "Because they adopted."

"They want to study Mira, Carla, and Maxim," Hange agrees. "We won't let them. The Marleyan factions even claim that it's ridiculous."

"So they threatened to find out where they are and take them?" Erwin clenches his fist. _Not on my watch_.

"I don't think there's any realistic threat at the moment," Levi says.

"We'll be vigilant," Erwin declares.

Hange cringes.

"What?" Erwin asks.

"Well, we appreciate it, but this is exactly why we didn't tell you," Hange states.

Erwin flinches.

"We worry about you. You're not just our former commander, you're our friend—and unlike everyone here, you live alone, and—"

"I can tell you're not sleeping well," Levi cuts in. "Don't lie to me."

"But—"

"Screw it." Levi rolls his eyes. "You gave me a chance, remember, when you recruited me? I'm trying to give you a chance for a new life too. One where you don't have to be constantly on alert—"

"But Levi," Erwin presses. "It's not as if this is the same thing. I want to protect my friends, and my friends' kids. It's not the same burden of all humanity."

"To you, it'll be the same," Levi retorts.

 _You really care_.

_Whatever you choose, choose the one you'll regret the least._

Except Erwin's spent his life choosing from options that will always lead to some regrets, even if they aren't immediate. _And now Levi Ackerman wants to spare me._ Erwin can't help but snort.

"Nothing's funny," Levi snaps.

Erwin grins. "You being sentimental _is_ kind of funny."

"I am not—"

"For you, it's not bad!" Hange crows, grabbing Levi by the shoulder.

"I hate you both."

Hange plants a sloppy kiss on Levi's cheek.

"Thank you, Levi," Erwin says again, reaching out and grabbing Levi's hand. "Thank you both."

"For what?" Hange asks, her mouth falling open.

 _Because now I know that at least you two aren't harboring simmering resentment for me._ And because of that, Erwin feels strangely free. "I'm going to help with this. But you'll be the leader, Levi, Hange."

"Hange," Levi confirms as Isabel's laugh echoes from inside the house.

"Hange, then. But if you want to discuss strategy or if there's something I can do, you need to tell me. I'll—trust you to decide when that is." Saying it feels terrifying, revealing, chilling like getting out from under warm blankets on a frigid morning.

Levi meets his eyes and nods. "Fair enough."

The door flies open, slamming against the wall. Isabel throws herself at Levi, who catches her, and Kuno jumps into Hange's arms. Her glasses slam against her face. "Ouch."

 _They're worth protecting,_ Erwin thinks. _All of these kids are._


	4. Sand, Sun, and Titans

"I never thought we'd see the ocean so much," Armin breathes on the first sweltering day. Sweat drips down Erwin's back, and the air feels bloated and heavy. The slight breeze only provides a sliver of relief.

Annie grins as she carries Mira on her hip.

"The waves look rough today," Erwin comments, taking in the crashing blue-green waves and the rolling foam. Ymir holds Astrid's hands as the one-year-old tries to balance on her feet, mouth agape at the strange sensation of sand. Historia claps her hands. He remembers the first time they saw the ocean. It was winter, cold, and the ocean had a gray tinge to it so that it looked more like a reflection of the sky. The white froth looked almost like snow, and Erwin was too frozen to move, but only at first.

" _You were right, Armin," breathed Eren._

" _What, you didn't believe him?" Annie demanded._

" _No—I did, but until I actually saw it…" Eren's voice trailed off._

You couldn't fathom it _, Erwin knew. The waves thundered as they rolled in and out, and it looked like the water was alive, grasping for them, both beautiful and terrifying._

"Must be a storm out there," Levi comments.

Erwin nods. _What's beyond_? he wonders. _There's so much to explore_. Fields of sand, mountains covered in snow, according to Armin. And yet none of them seem quite ready to venture out quite that far just yet.

"Ow!" shrieks Emma, clutching her eyes. "Stop it, Johann!"

Johann grins as he kicks more sand at his sister. Reiner grabs him.

"Hey—hey, Isabel!" Hange bellows, taking off across the beach. "Don't drink the water!"

Erwin remembers a few weeks after they moved here, when Hange decided to taste the ocean and almost gagged. _"It's so salty!"_

"Uncle Erwin?" asks Lily, toddling up to him. Petra arranged her hair in two neat plaits. "Can Tanya and I bury you in sand?"

"As long as you don't put it on my face," Erwin acquiesces.

"Deal!" Lily giggles as she and Tanya high-five.

Bertolt settles next to Erwin, a pensive look on his face as Lily and Tanya start to bury Erwin's legs. The sand scratches, gritty and hot. A small smile spreads across Bertolt's face as he watches the girls work. Emma flops down next to Mira and Isabel, reading a book together.

Erwin's chest tightens at the thought that someone would want to hurt Mira. Or Maxim or Carla, who chases each other with seaweed.

"Hey, Bertolt," Erwin begins casually.

He looks over to Erwin, as if surprised Erwin's addressing him.

"You haven't heard from your old village in awhile, have you?"

"No," Bertolt answers, shifting his fingers through the sand. When he lifts his hand up, the sand clings to the outlines of his bones. Bertolt cringes and tosses it off. "I sometimes contact them, but Reiner's been encouraging me to let it go."

"Why?" Erwin asks. His calves are now entirely buried beneath sand.

"Because… there's not a whole lot to be gained there. My brother likes getting our letters and we do plan to visit again with Johann and Emma, but Reiner's family and the rest of mine aren't really interested in hearing from us. They still think of us as… you know." Bertolt wraps his arms around his legs.

_Traitors._

Erwin sighs. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Bertolt shrugs. "You'd think peace would be more important."

"Well, you both do know that we think of you as heroes, right?" Erwin asks as the sand covers his waist.

Bertolt nods. "The winning side gets to choose who's a hero, and who's a traitor. In the case of a draw, we're both." He swallows. "We don't regret it, though."

"I know you don't. We're forever grateful, you know." The sand makes it to his neck.

"Done!" crows Lily.

Tanya grabs several shells. "Let's give him a necklace."

 _Oh, please no_. "Um—"

Lily cackles, and even Bertolt starts to laugh.

"You have to stay like this until we get Uncle Levi," Lily informs him as she finishes settling the shells in the sand.

"Bertolt, do you have plans to rescue me?" Erwin croaks.

A smile breaks through. "Nope."

"Yay!" Tanya hugs Bertolt, and the two of them skip off.

"I hate everything," Erwin declares. He can't even crane his neck. The sun glares down at him, and he averts his eyes.

"I'm afraid of what to tell them," Bertolt confesses.

"The kids?"

"Yeah. Johann and Emma… and everyone. They know we all started out on a different side of a war, and it's not exactly a secret we can turn into titans, but eventually they're going to find out that we're mass murderers, too. That I'm responsible for Carla Jaeger's death, alongside hundreds of thousands of others."

Erwin can hear Carla shriek with laughter. _"Frieda!"_

"I caused so many deaths, too," Erwin admits.

"You had the advantage of ignorance," Bertolt points out.

"And you were a child," Erwin counters.

"Knowing that doesn't help as much as it should."

"It's relentless, isn't it?" Erwin asks. "The guilt."

"Yeah. I still have nightmares, all the time. I wake up twisted into all these bizarre positions. Reiner's taken to shaking me awake when I'm tossing and turning." Bertolt inhales.

"What's the worst thing that could happen?" Erwin asks. "What are you most afraid of?"

Bertolt's voice cracks. "That Emma and Johann will hate us."

Erwin wonders about his own father. "And if they do?"

"I'd never, ever stop loving them," Bertolt declares vehemently. Out of the corner of Erwin's eyes he sees Bertolt clenching his fists. "I'd be devastated, but they—I love them."

"It was so much easier when we thought we were killing just titans, things that were not ever human," Erwin says. "Hange knew right from the beginning, though. She suspected. And, Bertolt—I thought of you as an enemy for a time, sure, but I never thought of you and Reiner as monsters." _It would have been easier if I did._

"That's what made you such a good commander," Bertolt says. "You were honest with yourself, at least."

"Not always." Erwin sighs. "We forgave you."

"I've always wondered why. Eren, the rest of the 104th—I know. But as the Commander of the Survey Corps—"

"Because you were children," Erwin cuts in, the sand really starting to burn his scalp now. "And because you saw what you'd done and were horrified by it. You wanted to make it right."

"Thank you," Bertolt whispers. "If you hadn't—"

A snort erupts above him. Erwin shifts his eyes to see Levi staring down at him, a smirk on his face.

"I'm getting up," Erwin grumbles as he frees himself from the sand. It clings to his skin. Lily, Erik, and Kuno sit by Eren and Reiner, who appears to be teaching them some sort of card game. Mikasa and Sasha climb on the barnacle covered rocks towards the side of the beach, while Connie floats in the waves, two-year-old Nora clinging to his back. Frieda, Carla, and Lukas carve what looks like a small model of the walls from wet sand with Jean and Marco look on.

Erwin lifts his gaze, squinting towards the horizon. He spots Erwin Jr.'s head bobbing in the waves with Maxim, who looks like he's carrying Gabriel.

"They're out too far," Erwin declares, marching towards the waves as Connie apparently notices the same problem. Nora on his shoulders, Connie puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles. "Get back in, Gabriel!"

The water pricks at Erwin's feet, still chilled from the long winter. Maxim waves back at Connie, moving towards them.

"You too, Erwin!" Erwin hollers. Mike and Nanaba, who've been playing some sort of ball game where you can't let the ball touch the ground with Petra, Oruo, Eld, and Gunthur, look up.

A wave crashes against Erwin's face. He splutters.

But the water to his left appears calmer, smooth like glass. Mud tinges the water. Something slips past Erwin's ankles.

_They're not getting closer to shore._

If anything, the kids appear to be further away.

_Shit!_

Erwin dives towards them. The water in the smooth part may look calm, but he can feel it yanking him out, away from the shore. He hears a splash behind him and sees Bertolt swimming after him.

"Gabriel!" Connie yells.

"Get your daughter to shore, Springer!" Erwin shouts over his shoulder, turning to see Mikasa scrambling towards the water, Sasha on her heels. And Erwin hears a sound he's never wanted to hear: Mike screaming.

The sand disappears from under Erwin's feet. He kicks towards the kids. He can see Erwin's hand waving, see Maxim struggling to hold Gabriel up.

"You only have one arm!" Bertolt shouts at him. "Swim diagonally—get out of the current! I'll get them!"

"You can get three at once?" Erwin yells back.

"Mikasa's coming!"

Gabriel flails up ahead—Erwin's almost there—and then disappears below the surface, Maxim sinking too. Gabriel surfaces, but Maxim stays under.

 _Only a few more strokes…_ Erwin's shoulder aches. His calves cramp. He's here—Maxim's crying, and screaming—Erwin ducks under, searching for Gabriel—

Something crackles and flashes behind him. Erwin's hands close on something solid—Gabriel. He kicks harder, struggling for the surface. His head breaks and he gags.

"Get on!" pants Erwin Jr,, pulling himself up and onto an enormous hand.

_Bertolt._

The colossal titan stares back at him, eyes wide and determined.

 _You're not supposed to do this. The treaty-oh, who the blast cares?_ Hange can treat Bertolt afterwards. It's her science that saved them anyways.

Erwin pushes Maxim on and then drags himself into the creature's hand. Gabriel's blue, and Erwin gags again, cold fear pooling in this stomach, chafing away at his insides— _please, please—no, no_ —Erwin slaps the child on the back.

Gabriel retches and vomits, hacking up water, and Erwin's never been so happy to be puked on. He gasps, clutching Gabriel. "You're okay," Erwin chokes out. "You're okay."

Bertolt reaches out to snatch Mikasa with his other hand, depositing her in their hand. She lunges for Maxim, crushing him against her chest. Tears stream down her face. "I thought I was going to lose you!"

"I'm sorry," sobs Maxim. "I tried to—hold him—"

"It's not your fault," Erwin assures the kid as he holds onto a wailing Gabriel. "You did a good job."

"But he almost drowned!"

"But he didn't," Erwin manages. "He's going to be okay."

Bertolt deposits them onto the sand. A bawling Sasha snatches her son as the colossal titan vanishes and Bertolt reappears.

"That's my dad," Erwin hears Emma saying proudly.

Eren grabs Maxim, his face white. "Thank you," he ekes out.

"Why did you go out that far?" cries Nanaba, dropping to the sand in front of Erwin Jr. "I thought—I was so scared—"

"Nice one, Eyebrows," Levi comments. "Even with one arm."

"I couldn't leave them," Erwin says. Even if he wound up being useless. He covers his eyes. The tottering fear that struck him—it's taking several minutes for it to wash away. He gulps in the salt air.

_Not the kids. Not the kids._

Reiner kisses Bertolt on the mouth. Jean crouches next to Gabriel, terror still riddling his features. Marlowe holds Nora as Connie wipes tears from his eyes.

 _They're okay,_ Erwin reminds himself. He feels Hange's hand on his shoulder.

"Guess being a titan can actually be used for some good," Ymir comments.

"Ymir, you saved us at Castle Utgard," Historia points out. "And Eren saved us all. We're aware."

"Bertl wasn't aware though, was he?" Ymir crosses her arms.

Bertolt ducks his head, and in the midst of all the panic still lurking like mist inside of him, Erwin smiles.

* * *

"Levi, we have to tell them," Erwin insists later that evening.

"Hm?" Levi turns a sharp eye to Erwin.

"Annie and Armin. Eren and Mikasa. They deserve to know that their kids might be in danger." Erwin wipes his brow. Izzy and Kuno sleep in the next room.

"They'll flip out," Levi warns.

"I don't blame them. But if they can be vigilant too—"

"Erwin, we're no closer to finding out how or if there's a legitimate threat than we were back in the spring," Hange interrupts.

"We still have to tell them." Erwin narrows his eyes. "You two wouldn't forgive anyone who didn't tell you if Isabel and Kuno were in danger."

Hange bites her lip.

"Fine," Levi grumbles.

"I'll get Historia and Ymir to watch Mira, Maxim, and Carla tomorrow morning," Erwin says. "And you'll be there."

"Yes, Commander," Levi mutters.

Erwin hesitates, and then lets himself out. He walks back home to the hum of crickets and the chirps of frogs. _Commander_.

_It's not who I am anymore._

_It's always going to be a part of me._

Erwin enters his cabin, smaller than anyone else's. A large willow tree towers over it, leaves drooping onto the roof. He opens up his most recent letter from Nile and Marie, where Nile describes a visit from Pixis.

 _Nile has to know about the threat,_ Erwin thinks. He knows Pixis is working with Levi and Hange. It includes two photographs, one of just the kids, and the other of Nile, Marie, and the kids all lined up, all beaming.

_I miss you, friend._

Erwin collapses into his bed, waking up with the sunrise. He's still covered in salt and grime. _Dammit_. He hobbles into the shower—his arm throbs today, and his shoulders ache from all the swimming, because he's not as fit as he once was.

The water, lukewarm, rinses away all the muck from the ocean. Erwin's breath catches when he remembers Gabriel's blue face.

 _Never again._ He can't let these kids suffer like that. He doesn't want them to know the same fear their parents grew up with.

Erwin dries himself and eats a piece of bread and an apple before heading over to Eren and Mikasa's. Armin and Annie will meet them there, too, he presumes. And it'll be good to have Armin informed. No one's smarter than that kid.

"What the hell is going on?" Eren demands the moment Erwin steps through the door. Armin and Annie are already there, Annie wearing a short-sleeved hoodie.

"I'll wait for Levi to come and tell you," Erwin answers.

"Is everything okay?" Armin ventures.

"Clearly not," Annie mutters.

The door flings open as Levi and Hange enter. "Good morning!" Hange sings.

"We have coffee," Eren says begrudgingly. He scampers over to the funny little machine they bought, the one that gurgles and hisses and steams, but produces delicious coffee.

"We're all nervous," Mikasa states.

"Well—" Hange almost trips over a block toy one of the twins must have left over. "We do have some grave news."

"How grave?" Eren blurts out, handing Erwin and Levi steaming cups of the liquid. Erwin holds it in his hands, savoring the rich scent.

"Grave," Levi says. "We've heard that—some separatist groups—are looking to kidnap a child of a titan."

Silence. Mikasa clenches her fists. The knuckles turn white.

"Um, what?" Armin squeaks.

"Well, since Reiner and Bertolt's kids are adopted, as are Ymir and Historia's, we think that—" Hange begins.

" _What the hell?"_ screeches Eren. "How long have you known?"

"A few months," Erwin interjects. "There's no reason to suspect an immediate threat—"

"I don't care! Someone's threatening my kids!"

If Eren was a terrifying intense teenager, he's an even more terrifyingly intense dad. Not that he fazes Erwin.

"Let them try," Mikasa vows.

"No, Mikasa!" Eren gapes at her, aghast. "I don't want—"

"What would they want them for?" Annie demands, Armin's hand on her shoulder. Armin studies his shoes, his blue eyes filled with fear.

"Experiments, maybe. Insurance, that the titan line really will die out and that it's not inherited, as stupid as that sounds. We're not exactly sure," Hange admits. "They don't trust my experiments—the ones that saved your lives."

"I'm not letting them have Mira," Annie chokes out. "It'd be just like—I can see them training her, like we were trained—"

"I'm not letting any sort of radical group get a hand on my daughter or my son," Eren declares. "No matter what I have to do. I'm not letting any political group turn my kids into my brother."

 _Zeke_. Erwin cringes as he remembers the ruthless beast titan. But a line creases Eren's forehead, and Erwin knows Eren, for whatever reason, can't dismiss his brother as a monster unworthy of any kind of sympathy.

After Zeke died, Eren cried.

"We won't let them," Armin promises.

"Are they Eldians or Marleyans?" Annie asks.

"We don't even know that," Levi admits.

Annie grips her fingers. "I remember when they took us away from our parents. My father kept begging me to forgive him, to promise to come home—"

And she did, Erwin knows. But she hasn't seen him since they had Mira.

"We were all so scared—we know if we messed up, we'd be eaten—"

"They won't face that," Mikasa declares. "I'm not letting my kids face life without a family. And I won't let Mira, either, Annie."

Armin wraps his arms around his trembling wife.

"If we work together," Armin says slowly. "All of us, just like old times—we can get to the bottom of this. Before it even becomes a real and present threat."

It's different to fight ghosts lurking below ground, Erwin thinks. And in some ways it's scarier than fighting monsters tumbling through the earth, monsters that are hunting them down, because they don't know who these people are or how they're coming, or even if they will come.

"We'll have a meeting later," Armin says. "I'll talk to Reiner and Bertolt; Eren, go to Ymir and Historia. Annie, talk to Jean and Marco; Mikasa, Sasha and Connie. Levi, Petra and Oruo, Hange, Eld and Gunthur, Erwin, Mike and Nanaba. Also Marlowe and Hitch." Armin's eyes glitter, and Erwin recognizes the tension running through the room.

It's the same feeling he got before planning each expedition. Only this time, Erwin isn't willing to sacrifice a single soul.

 _We shouldn't have to_ , he tells himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know this isn't how they saw the ocean in the manga, but this was written before that chapter came out, and I decided not to change it. Hope that's okay!


	5. Time to Panic

"I'm a terrible mother," Annie whispers, watching as Armin smears aloe on Mira's sunburned shoulders. "How could I let this happen?"

"Annie, you are _not_ a terrible mother," Mikasa snaps as Mira whimpers and Armin tries to soothe her.

Annie shakes her head, tears marring her eyes. "How am I going to protect her from random people lurking in shadows if I can't even—"

"Annie," Erwin interrupts. "Sunburns happen." He can feel one on the back of his neck, stinging and chafing against his shirt collar.

"I think she's got a mild fever, Annie," Armin calls, gathering Mira in his arm. She presses her head against his shoulder.

 _Great_.

 _We had to tell them_ , Erwin reassures himself. _It was the right thing to do._

"We'll talk more later," Armin promises, standing and carrying Mira.

Erwin nods. He leaves the cabin and to find Lily arguing with Erwin Jr. and Erik.

"That's not fair!"

"I'm out," Levi declares, Hange taking his hand as they head away from the kids. Erwin rolls his eyes.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing," grumbles Erwin Jr.

 _Yeah, right._ Erwin narrows his eyes and crouches down. "Are you lying to me?"

Erik hides behind his brother's leg.

"Nope," Lily declares cheerfully. Petra's pulled her red hair into two high pigtails.

"What's unfair?" Erwin presses.

"Just a game we're playing," Lily says, chewing on her lip.

Erwin frowns. Considering that Lily's specialty is throwing a fit when things aren't fair, her calm raises his suspicions. "Okay." Thunder rumbles in the distance. Erwin peers up at the sky, which churns in a gray, bubbling brew. "You should get home before it starts raining."

"'Kay!" Lily skips off, and Erwin turns to his namesake.

"Now are you going to tell me what that was about?" Erwin presses.

The boy shakes his head, pressing his lips together. He has Mike's large nose, and Nanaba's soft eyes.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Erwin asks. He remembers his father's death, how he couldn't tell anyone. Because his words had gotten his father killed.

A smile creeps over his face. "I know." A raindrop splatters on Erik's head, and he yelps. "Time to go!" Erwin Jr. grabs Erik's hand, dragging him through the town.

Sighing, Erwin returns home, rain soaking through his clothes, his hair, running down his shoulder where his arm should be.

When Erwin falls asleep, more nightmares claim him. He wakes up gasping, hair drenched not with rain but with sweat.

_The titans aren't here. The titans aren't here._

_We're free._

_I'm not. I'm not free._ Erwin doubles over, hand shaking, trying to remind himself that he's here, that his feet are pressed against eh rough wood floor, that the rain pounding outside is real, that he's here and he can breathe.

When his muscles calm, he rises and tries to boil some tea. It tastes bitter, and it burns his tongue.

Laughter erupts from the window. Erwin moves towards it, pulling back the curtain. Ymir and Historia and their kids giggle as they take turns splashing in a muddy puddle. Historia clutches Tanya's hands as they count to three, and then jump, spraying Frieda, Ymir, and Astrid.

Frieda drops backwards into the mud, waving her arms like she's making a snow angel, except in brown. Historia groans. Ymir cackles.

"Frieda, really? I—" Historia starts, but then she sees Erwin in the window. She waves.

Sheepish, he waves back. His sunburn broods on the back of his neck. Erwin rolls his eyes and steps outside, into the downpour.

"Uncle Erwin!" Tanya races over to him, throwing herself against his legs. _At least she's not as mud-caked as Frieda._

"Maybe now that we've been so nice and have taken you outside in the rain, you'll tell us who stole our chocolates?" Historia drawls.

"None of us did!" Frieda calls, rolling around more in the mud.

Ymir shakes her head. "Yeah, right."

"Did Gabriel visit anytime recently?" Erwin jokes. Tanya sticks her thumb in her mouth and Erwin kneels to remove it. _Not when it's covered in dirt._

"Nope." Historia smirks. Rain plasters her sunshine hair to her scalp. Astrid tosses mud at her, splattering it against Historia's shoulder "Astrid!"

"She takes after me," Ymir declares, wrapping her arm around Astrid.

 _No one takes after me,_ Erwin thinks. _And that's a good thing._

* * *

Over a week later, Erwin wakes up to the sound of someone banging on his door. When he pries his eyes open, the deep gray of impending dawn greets his eyes. _Who's here at this hour?_ The back of his throat knots around this familiar feeling of dread, cold and knobbly. His arm scream in pain, but there is no arm.

"Erwin!" he hears Eren's voice howling.

 _Shit!_ "Eren—" Erwin scrambles for the door. "What is it? Are Maxim and Carla—"

"They're fine," Eren blurts out, hair plastered to his forehead from sweat. "Just—it's Mira."

"Is she—" _Did they—are we too late?_

 _Please, not again_.

"She's sick," Eren says. "Nothing—to do with that. Btu she's _really_ sick, and Annie's terrified, and Armin asked for you."

"Where's Mikasa?" Erwin demands as he stumbles back, looking for his boots. He shoves his feet into them.

"She's at home with Maxim and Carla. Don't want them to get it."

"Is it the same cold? I thought she was getting better." Erwin slams his door behind him, hurrying through the streets. The thunderstorms of last week faded, leaving a day or two of cool air that's now been completely overtaken by steamy heat.

"Yeah—she's got this cough, and it's like she can't breathe." Eren shakes his head. He shoves the door open to Armin and Annie's cabin. "Erwin's here!"

A hacking cough echoes, one that chills Erwin to the bones. A desperate wheeze follows.

"It's okay," he hears Armin encouraging. "You can breathe. You're gonna be all right."

Erwin rounds the corner to see Annie sitting with Mira in Mira's tiny bed, green blanket kicked off. A candle sits on a dresser, and Armin crouches in front of the bed, stroking Mira's hair. The whooping sound starts to fade, and tiny, frightened breaths take its place. A putrid scent reaches Erwin's nostrils; he sees a bucket of vomit on the floor.

"Hey, Mira," Erwin says.

She looks up at him, tears running down her face. Annie looks paler than death.

"I've read about this sickness," Armin says. "It's nothing to be afraid of, Mira." Although Erwin can tell from the quaver to his words that that's not necessarily true. "We just need to get you medicine to make you all better, and we will."

"You want me to go to one of the local cities," Erwin realizes.

"Would you?" Armin meets Erwin's eyes—Armin, the boy who's always looked up to him, even though Erwin feels like he's a fraud half the time. _You don't want to be like me, kid_.

When they lived behind the walls, Erwin wanted Armin to be like him, to lead the Survey Corps with the same sense of sacrifice. Now, never. And even then, Armin was different.

_You always had dreams._

"Yes," Erwin says. "Of course."

"You might want to get more medicine than it'll take just to treat her," Armin warns. "We'll keep her isolated, but other people might get it. It's called whooping cough."

"Whooping cough," Erwin muses. "Fitting name." He swallows. "I'll get Levi, and we'll go together."

"Thank you," Eren says.

Annie pulls Mira closer, rubbing her back. Armin looks ashen. It's killing Erwin to see Mira in so much pain—he can't even imagine being Armin or Annie. And there's nothing they can do to help her.

_I can. I'll get the medicine._

Erwin rushes out to bang on Levi's door, wake him up. Hange immediately wakes Isabel and Kuno, getting them ready to deposit at Mikasa's. "I'll go help them in the meantime."

"See you." Levi waves.

It's been months since Erwin was on horseback. He grimaces. It's not as comfortable as he remembers.

"You're getting old," Levi tells him.

"Shut up."

Even now, when they emerge from the forest, Erwin half expects to see a giant monster charging at them, teeth bared. But instead, he sees three gray rabbits hopping, hears birds chirping their good morning hymn, smells fresh earth and no signal flares, no blood.

_We're safe._

"How far is it again?" Erwin asks uncertainly. He's only been a few times.

"To the nearest town? About two, three hours." Levi smirks at him. "Memories?"

Erwin square his jaw, back aching with the horse's motions. "Yes."

Silence settles on them, save for the clopping of hooves and the chatter of birds and insects. A particularly persistent fly buzzes around Erwin's face for a good hour before he finally slaps it dead.

They reach the edge of the water and take the ferry off the island, arriving to town by midday. No walls, Erwin always thinks. Just rows of houses and shops, built together. Those terrifying automobiles.

Levi catches him studying one of them. How they work is beyond him. "Ever ridden in one?" Erwin asks.

"Once, with Hange. She loves it." Levi rolls his eyes. "They're pretty fast."

"I can tell." Erwin can't decide if it'd be fun or not.

_You've got time._

It's strange, to think that he has time.

They make it to the pharmacy, where Levi makes the order. Erwin catches an older woman eying him with pursed lips—specifically, eyeing his missing arm. Erwin reaches out to grasp his stump, ignoring her.

Especially in the older generation, he'd gather that Marleyans are still suspicious of Eldians.

"Where the hell did my money go?" Levi asks as he flips through his wallet. "Hange must've needed something—or—"

"I've got it," Erwin says quickly, slapping the money down on the counter.

"I will kill her," Levi vows.

Erwin snorts. The older woman glares at him, as if he's some kind of monster. Can she tell? Surely she doesn't recognize him…

"Ready to go?" Levi catches sight of the woman. His eyes narrow.

"Yes." Erwin marches towards the door, but as he pushes on the glass, he hears her whisper: _"Eldian monster. We should have eaten you all."_

"Excuse me?" Levi snarls, turning on her with fury in his eyes. If he still had his blades Erwin's pretty sure one would be at her throat.

"How did you lose that arm?" the woman demands, focusing on Erwin. _She knows we come from inside the walls._

"Fighting to live a life without fear," Erwin replies. "The same way you could have kept your compassion."

Her jaw drops. Levi sucks in his breath.

"Let's go." Erwin marches outside and sinks onto a bench to wait for the next ferry. The moment their feet land on Paradi, Erwin's relieved. He hops up on his horse, a tan creature that whinnies happily. Isabel likes naming the horses—this one's Caramel, if Erwin remembers correctly.

He never let himself think of horses as anything but tools to help defeat and escape the titans, but Erwin reaches out and scratches behind Caramel's ears.

"Bitch," Levi grumbles. "People like her—what are the chances she'll spill that there are people who used to come from the walls around here?"

"High, but most people in that town already know that. Eld and Gunthur get food there all the time. She strikes me more as a bigoted mouth rather than a nefarious insurrectionist," Erwin muses.

"I trust your judgment."

 _I know you do_.

They arrive back at their town as the sun sits heavy in the sky, and dash for Armin and Annie's place with the bottle. Armin flings the door open, relief on his face. He flings his arms around Erwin. "Thank you."

 _Oh_. Erwin's not used to hugs from anyone but children. Armin shrugs sheepishly.

"Here you go." Levi hands over the amber bottle. Erwin follows them into the bedroom, where Annie and Eren both sit, Annie curled up with Mira and Eren reading from a storybook, about a princess locked up in a tower and a prince who finds her. Mira's cheeks are flushed, and she looks as if she's been crying. Annie's fingers stroke her daughter's tangled hair.

"Hey, Mira," Armin says encouragingly. He drops onto the bed. "Uncle Erwin and Levi went and got you some medicine that will make you feel better."

"So I can breathe again?"

"Mm-hm." Armin opens the bottle.

"I'll get juice," Eren says quickly, darting out from the room.

"Will it taste yucky?"

"Probably," Armin admits. "But it'll make you better, so it'll be worth it, right?"

Mira looks as if she's not sure.

Eren returns with a cup of juice, and Armin pours a small dose into it. "Here."

"If you drink it, Eren'll finish the story," Annie promises.

"If I don't?"

Erwin bites back a smile.

"Then you'll keep being sick and coughing, and you don't like that," Armin reminds her.

Mira makes a face, and then chugs the liquid. "Augghh!"

Erwin grins.

* * *

When Erwin falls asleep, he's happy. Mira's going to be okay, and he enjoyed being on a horse again. But in his dreams, he's galloping across a field at night, the Beast Titan looming ahead. Cold rain splatters against his back, and his arm gushes warm, sticky blood.

Around him, his friends lie dead. His father, Levi— _Levi?_

Erwin's screaming, and then the Beast Titan turns, and it's not Zeke at all—it's Eren, and Maxim's begging him not to hurt his father. Erwin can feel his blade in his hand, feel himself growing dizzy from loss of blood—

"Wake _up_ , eyebrows." Something smacks him across the face.

Erwin gasps, gulping in air as he looks around him. No titan. No crying Maxim. Eren's fine— _Levi_ —

Is glaring at him. Candlelight flickers. It's still dark.

"Why the hell are you in my house?" Erwin rasps. "At this hour?"

"I came to break your legs, finally." Levi rolls his eyes. "No, I came to discuss something else." He frowns. "What were you dreaming about?"

Erwin shrugs. The sick, curdled feeling of Maxim's screams—of Eren as Zeke—it's not dissipating.

" _Erwin_."

"Don't you dream about it?" Erwin asks. "That we're still fighting?"

"Yeah. Sometimes. But it's gotten better as time's gone by." Levi cocks his head. "How often do you dream about it?"

Erwin swallows. "It depends."

" _How often?"_

"The past week... almost every night," Erwin admits. His ghost arm throbs. He winces.

Levi looks horrified. "And you said nothing— _why_ , exactly?"

"It's not something worth—"

"Except it is, when even Hange starts commenting that you're looking like shit," Levi interrupts.

"Great." Erwin groans. "I'm just—"

"Is it because of what that woman said?"

"No, not exactly. I—" Erwin sighs, rubbing his forehead. "I sometimes wonder at what point I can still call myself a human being."

"Elaborate," Levi requests.

"We may have been ignorant, but we still hurt—so many people." Erwin closes his eyes. "I led so many to their deaths that I—"

"I killed more people than you."

"I gave the orders." Erwin's father fills his mind again, reaching out to pull Erwin on his lap, read to him. _Would you be proud of me, seeing peace finally achieved? Or would you hate me for how many I killed?_

_Were you angry? Were you exasperated, when you realized what I'd done? Did you know? You had to know, even if just for a second, that it was because of me._

"And now you feel guilty," Levi puts in, dropping next to him on the bed. "Trust me, Erwin, you haven't lost your humanity. If you had, guilt is the last thing you'd feel."

"Are you thinking of Kenny here?"

"Shut up." Levi shakes his head. "Look, we both did what we did, because at the time we had to do it. Remember what you told me? Choose the choice you'll regret the least."

Erwin remembers. _Isabel. Farlan_.

"Would another choice make you have less regrets?" Levi demands.

Erwin shakes his head.

"When you're having those dreams, Hange says it helps to talk about them. At least, it helps both of us." Levi clears his throat. "So, the next morning or something, or even in the night if you're really disturbed, come knock on our door. We'll help you. Or we'll try. I guess."

Erwin tries to laugh. It crumbles as it reaches the air. "Thank you, Levi." He meets his friend's eyes. "I'm really glad you didn't kill me back then."

He expects a quippy retort, but instead Levi just shrugs. "Yeah. Me too."

"So why did you come here?" Erwin asks again.

"Oh. Well, I heard from Connie that he and Sasha have lost some of their money as well. It seems we have a little thief." Levi's eyes narrow. "And some _more_ food is gone from Ymir and Historia's."

"One of the kids?" Erwin asks. _Why would they steal?_

Levi shrugs. "Or someone sneaking around the area and hiding."

* * *

Morning comes, and Erwin and Levi check on Mira. "Much better," Armin reports.

"I sent Isabel and Kuno off," Hange says as she greets them. A smirk on her lips tells Erwin that she has some sort of plan.

"We'll search the woods," Erwin says. But after hours of combing through bristles and thorns, Erwin's found nothing that would suggest an intruder.

"I'm still suspicious," Levi grouses.

"Levi!" A shout echoes through the woods.

"Hange?"

She crashes through several slim trees, batting the branches away from her forehead. A gash opens over her right eye.

"Four-eyes, are you trying to become Three-eyes?" Levi yelps, tromping towards her. "What the hell were you—"

"A branch hit me in the face. It's fine." Hange dabs at the blood with her hair.

"That is not sanitary!" Levi yells. "Let me see." He grasps Hange's face, standing on tiptoe to examine her wound. "Geez, Hange!"

"Stop fussing over me!"

"You know you like it," Erwin comments as he leans back against a tree.

"Excuse me?" Both Levi and Hange turn to him, eyes blazing.

 _Oops_. Erwin focuses on a spider scuttling its way down the tree in front of him.

" _Anyways_ ," Hange continues. "I came to ask if you'd see Gabriel. A bunch of the kids were playing tag or something, but no one's seen him."

"What?" Levi demands.

"No," Erwin says, his chest constricting. "We haven't."

"Lukas said Gabriel was angry about something and ran off. He went and told Marco that they couldn't find him."

"Shit!" Levi marches back towards town. Erwin heads after them. Gabriel has to be okay.

"Sasha and Connie—" he starts, but the moment Erwin emerges from the forest with twelve mosquito bites all swelling and itching, he has his answer.

Connie clutches Nora, while Sasha cries. Reiner stands nearby with a helpless look on his face.

"Okay," Levi declares grimly, marching over to his two kids. "What were you kids up to?"

"N-nothing," Isabel stammers.

"A likely story."

"Did you get in a fight?" Nanaba presses.

"No." But the way Kuno says it, so small, seems obvious to Erwin. _Yes_.

No one would kidnap Gabriel, Erwin tries to reassure himself. Although Mikasa's glare suggests that she considers it a possibility. _Could there have been a mix up? How?_

"We've checked our house, and all the usual spots," Connie reports, his face gray. Erwin remembers how Connie lost his entire village—how they were all turned into titans. _He can't lose his son now, dammit!_

"I'll look on the beach," Jean declares, talking Lukas's hand. "And you're coming with me, _and_ you're telling me everything you know."

"I already did!" Lukas protests.

"I believe you about as much as I believe a report that Eren is calm." Jean scowls. "Let's go."

"Where's Bertolt?" Erwin asks. "If he can transform into the Colossal Titan—he'll be able to see for miles."

"Not a bad idea," Reiner agrees.

"Miles?" Connie demands. "Why would—"

"Well—" Mikasa opens her mouth, and Erwin's out. She, Levi, and Hange can explain. Erwin needs to find Bertolt, and their house is towards the edge of their little village. If Gabriel really _has_ been kidnapped….

Erwin raps on Bertolt's door. No answer. "Bertolt!"

"Yes?" a voice calls from out back.

Erwin marches around the side of the house and stops in his tracks.

 _Gabriel._ Sitting on a log in the triangle-shaped clearing that extends behind Reiner and Bertolt's house, drawing.

"Have you been here the whole time?" Erwin erupts.

"Huh?" Bertolt jumps up. "Is something—"

"They all think Gabriel's missing!"

The child jumps to his feet, jaw slack.

"I found him crying," Bertolt manages. "So I asked him if he wanted to make a card for Mira—that's—"

Erwin drags his hand through his hair. "Okay. Okay."

"I'm so sorry—I had no idea that—" Bertolt tries, wringing his hands.

"Not your fault." Erwin claps him on the shoulder, and Bertolt relaxes as if he still needs permission to relax. Erwin blinks. _I'm not alone._

"They were all fighting so I just wanted quiet," Gabriel chokes out. "And Uncle Bertl's quiet."

Erwin snorts. "It's okay," he assures him, dropping to the ground. "Your mom and dad will just be happy to see that you're not hurt."

"I made this for Mira." Gabriel grins as he holds up a piece of paper with some green and blue scribbles on it. "It's the ocean."

"She'll love it," Erwin says. Relief slips through him, sweet and calm, and he could cry.

"Let's get you back to your parents," Bertolt says quickly. Gabriel glances at the paper and paints left out. "I'll clean it up," Bertolt insists.

"What were you all fighting about?" Erwin questions.

Gabriel shrugs.

Erwin's eyes meet Bertolt's in a haze of suspicion.

"Gabriel!" Sasha shrieks the moment she sees him. "Oh my—I thought—don't you _ever_ run off like that without telling me again!"

"I'm sorry," Bertolt apologizes. "I had no idea that—"

"Not your fault," Connie assures him, slapping Bertolt on the shoulder. Nora grins at her brother. Mikasa's fighting stance returns to normal.

"Thank goodness," grumbles Levi. "I was going to—"

"Excuse me," Jean interrupts, marching back with Lukas. "Gabriel! You're—"

"He was with me," Bertolt admits.

"Well, at least he's okay. He's not a titan, is he?"

"Do you see anyone who could have been eaten?" Reiner snaps.

Jean smirks. "Well, Lukas has something to say. About what they were fighting about."

"Would it have anything to do with all the missing coins and candies?" Hange asks sarcastically.

"We've been playing poker," Lukas admits, studying his scuffed shoes. "Like—"

Reiner groans. "I said to play for fun, not to—"

"You are nothing but trouble for me, even now," Levi informs Reiner.

"So you've been actually gambling," Ymir states, a laugh tearing through her lips. "For candy. And money."

Mikasa slaps her forehead. Erwin feels dazed.

"You know you could have just asked for candy or coins to play," Marco points out, his arms crossed.

"I'm sorry," Lukas whispers. A tear runs down his cheek, and Jean immediately drops to the ground, wrapping his arms around his son. "Please don't be mad at me!" Lukas cries.

"I'm not mad," Jean says. "Well, actually, I am. But at the stealing part. And that doesn't mean I won't forgive you. I just want you to learn that stealing is wrong."

"Frieda and I weren't involved," Carla announces as she flicks her hair.

"But you knew?" Mikasa questions.

Carla nods proudly.

"Knowing something is wrong and not telling is just as bad," Mikasa informs her daughter. Carla's face falls.

"Lily's in charge," Gabriel interjects.

The redheaded girl backs up, shaking her head.

"Oh really?" Petra inquires, crossing her arms.

"It was just for fun," Lily whispers.

" _Lily!"_ Oruo shouts, and then bites his tongue. "Ow!"

"Some things never change," Levi comments.

 _It doesn't mean I won't forgive you._ Erwin mulls Jean's words over and over in his mind.

_Dad, would you forgive me?_


	6. Overnight Babysitter

"I've had it," Historia declares. "I'm going to go to that city and make them tell me everything."

Erwin's impressed. Ymir nods, stroking her chin. "Could work."

Historia called Erwin over to their place for dinner, along with Connie and Sasha. Historia's done up the house to be more comfortable than the bare bones of plain wooden furniture Erwin has in his: a purple velvet cushion makes for a window seat with matching curtains that can be closed to create what must be a calm nook, and blue sofas stuffed to the brim line the living room, where Astrid and Nora play on the floor with a small wooden house Reiner built for them, while Gabriel and Tanya play an approved poker game with beads. Frieda sits in the corner on the azure carpet, reading with a sleepy expression on her face. The adults all sit sat the table, made of polished cherry wood.

"No one threatens my friends or their kids," Historia grouses. "I don't care what I have to do."

Mira's made a full recovery, which everyone's grateful for. In the mess of Gabriel's disappearance, though, the fact that someone is after Mira, Carla, and Maxim came out, and everyone's on edge.

This tension, the constant adrenaline, is familiar to Erwin, and yet unfamiliar too, because this time he wants to save human beings he loves, instead of humanity as a whole. Abstractions are easier. He wants it to be like a throw blanket he can shrug off, get back to peace, but there's no way out of this except to confront it head on.

"If you're going, I'm going with you," Ymir drawls.

"Ymir, you're not exactly welcome."

"So what?" She shrugs. "You're my wife. I'm going with you."

"Well, I don't want to take the kids," Historia retorts. "They're too—I don't want to expose them to that. And it's going to be a stressful trip."

Ymir sighs and lowers her voice. "Yeah. Tanya's already picking up that something's wrong."

"Is she?" asks Connie, glancing over his shoulder. Tanya cackles as she grabs a bead while Gabriel pouts.

"She's not sleeping well," Historia says, biting her lip. "And I like to keep my kids of out of the public eye."

 _You don't want to risk them_. It's fair. Erwin remembers the elderly woman and her vehement disgust for him. He can only imagine what sort of things people would say to the children of Queen Historia Reiss.

"Erwin can watch them," Ymir suggests.

"Wait, what?" Erwin asks.

"It'd be better than sending them to stay at someone else's house, especially for Tanya. The few times we have traveled she hasn't done well," Ymir explains as she pours a cup of tea. Historia starts cutting an apple pie. Sasha leans forward, practically salivating.

"Is that why you invited me over?" Erwin asks. "To butter me up before—"

"If you don't want to do it you don't have to," Historia cuts in.

"Sasha and I could," Connie adds.

"It'd be for about three days," Ymir says. "Possibly four."

She knows he won't refuse. Erwin rubs his face. "Okay then."

"Thank you!" Historia breathes.

 _They'll be a good distraction_. Erwin hopes.

* * *

" _Nooooo!"_ howls Astrid, stretching her chubby arms out for the door. "Come back!"

"They'll be back in only a few days," Erwin tries to assure the child, but she screams louder, her face turning purple. Her little foot lands in Erwin's stomach, and he grunts.

"Astrid, you shouldn't kick," reprimands Frieda, her arm wrapped around a teary-eyed Tanya.

"No kidding," Erwin gasps, setting the flailing Astrid down on the porch. She bawls, tiny hands curled into fists. "They'll be back, Astrid. I promise." His heart aches, because he remembers that all of these kids—Frieda, Tanya, and Astrid—have been abandoned before, either willingly or because their parents died. "I promise," he says again.

Astrid throws herself against Erwin's shoulder, crying into him. He rubs her shoulder blades as she hiccups. "Why do—they have—to go?"

"Because Mom's _important_ ," Frieda says, rolling her eyes.

"Your moms are both important," Erwin agrees. "And so are you. But Mom is a queen, that's true."

"Which means, technically, we're princesses," Frieda adds with a sigh.

"Like in the stories?" Astrid asks, her voice tiny.

"Mm-hm." Erwin nods.

"It doesn't feel magical, though," Tanya comments. "Not like the stories."

"Well, that's because it's real life. It's harder," Erwin amends. "But yes, Mom is a queen."

"Is Ma?" asks Tanya.

"No, stupid," Frieda tells her.

"Don't insult your sister," Erwin cuts in.

"Sorry, Tanya," Frieda mumbles.

Astrid still sniffles. "But I want them to come _back_."

"They will," Erwin assures again. "They love you, Astrid. They just have to go talk to some people, that's all."

"Why can't the people come here?" Tanya wonders.

"Because we live in the middle of nowhere," Freida puts in.

The hope that Frieda will be any kind of help to him rapidly drains from Erwin. "Want me to read you one of those stories?"

"Yes!" Tanya shouts. Astrid looks up, tears blotching her face, and nods.

"I can read on my own." Frieda flounces off.

"Okay then," Erwin says. "Just so you know, Frieda, I will report to both your moms whether you've been rude or helpful."

The girl stiffens, but she doesn't say anything. Better than a snappy retort, Erwin figures. Tanya selects the storybook, one about a girl who kisses a frog that turns into a prince, and Erwin reads it to them.

"So if I kiss a frog," Tanya muses. "Will it become a prince?"

"I think it depends on if the frog was already once a prince," Erwin answers.

"Magic's not real," Frieda grumbles.

_What is wrong with you today?_

"Can we go outside and look for frogs?" Tanya shouts, getting to her feet. Astrid totters to her feet.

"Um—" Erwin swallows. He does not want to have to explain to Ymir why her children have warts after kissing frogs. But… "Sure. Why not?"

"Hooray!" Tanya leaps up, darting over to her sister. "C'mon, Frieda!"

"It won't work," Frieda warns, but she shoves her shoes on and follows her sisters outside. Astrid takes Erwin's hand and slowly moves about, sticking to the edge of the woods. She lifts up rocks, one and a time, looking for a frog.

"Do you think they can hear us coming?" Tanya wonders.

"Maybe. So be really quiet," Erwin answers. He glances around. Frieda's gone on ahead, deeper into the forest.

A scream splits the air.

"Frieda!" Erwin shouts. He scoops Astrid up and barges into the woods, stumbling over a loose stone. "Shit!"

"Mom says you're not supposed to say that word," Tanya informs him.

Frieda bursts through the trees, her face white. "There was a snake under one of the rocks!"

 _Is that all_? "Did it bite you?"

"No, I ran!" Frieda shudders.

"Maybe it was a prince in disguise," teases Tanya.

"Shut up, Tanya!"

"Frieda—" Erwin starts.

"You all okay?" calls out Marco, tromping through the forest with Lukas behind him. "We heard a scream."

"I saw a snake!" Frieda cries out. Astrid gulps and clings to Erwin's shoulder.

"And you screamed?" Lukas bursts into laughter.

"Knock it off, Lukas," Marco says. "Snakes can be terrifying."

"Carla wouldn't have been afraid."

"Shut up, Lukas!" Frieda shouts.

"Frieda, don't say—" Erwin starts.

"You're not my mom!" Frieda screams at him, turning on her heel and running back towards her house.

"Yikes," Marco says softly. "Poor thing. If you want me or Jean to come over and help, let me know."

"Will do." Erwin nods, his heart thumping in his ears.

"Sometimes she just needs to be alone," says Tanya. "That's what Ma says. When she gets like this."

Astrid squirms. "Frogs?" Erwin sets her down as Lukas asks Tanya why they're looking for frogs.

"She's too young to remember, right?" Erwin asks.

"Yeah. She was a baby." Marco bites his lip. "But some adjust better than others, I think." Lukas decries kissing a frog "disgusting" and "stupid," but agrees to help anyways because "frogs are cool." "Lukas asked me, when he was three, if we would send him back if we got tired of him."

"What?" Horror creeps in around Erwin, cold and damp.

"We assured him that we wouldn't, obviously, but it's just words. Now, he's fine, but I think if Jean and I had left for a few days when he was younger it wouldn't have gone so well."

"He always seems so happy."

"He _is_." Marco's face glows as he watches his son help Tanya lift up a particularly large rock. "But everyone still has insecurities."

Erwin nods. Thunder rumbles, as if a storm's brewing.

"Lukas!" Marco calls. "Time to get back. Dad's waiting."

"Tanya, Astrid," Erwin calls.

"I didn't find a prince," complains Tanya.

"There's always tomorrow," Erwin tells her. He finds Frieda reading in the window nook. "Want to help me make dinner?"

"I do!" calls Tanya. Frieda flips a page over.

 _Okay, then_.

After a dinner of sandwiches, Erwin allows them to each have a piece of chocolate and earns Frieda's first real smile of the day.

"Can you read us the story again?" Tanya asks, chocolate smeared all over her mouth.

"Sure," Erwin agrees. He settles down on the window seat. Frieda flops down on the carpet, but she at least appears to be listening. By the time Erwin finishes the story, Astrid's fallen asleep against his side. "Time for bed."

"Why?" whines Tanya.

"Because it's dark out and—"

"My mothers let me stay up and read after they go to bed," Frieda interrupts.

Erwin grits his teeth. "That's fine, then." He scoops Astrid up into his arms. She doesn't stir as he carries her into her room and puts her under her covers. Tanya follows.

"They are coming back, right?" she asks, voice trembling.

"I promise," Erwin assures her.

"They won't die, will they?"

Erwin's heart stops. "Oh, Tanya." There's no way to be completely certain, but in comparison to most years of his life—"No. They won't die. They're coming back."

Tanya pops her thumb in her mouth.

"What makes you afraid of that?" Erwin asks.

"I've heard you all talking about friends you had who died."

Erwin sits on the edge of Tanya's bed, keeping his voice low so as not to wake Astrid. "Times were different then. There were a lot of—bad things going on. People fighting. Adults fighting." He doesn't know how to explain this any further.

"Ma said they were fighting over titans," Tanya mumbles.

"Kind of," Erwin confirms. "It was—complicated. But we're not fighting anymore." As he says it, he wants to believe it. _Please let it be true_. "People got tired of fighting so we met and made a deal for peace." Crickets chirp outside, and a frog croaks. Erwin smirks.

"Uncle Erwin?"

"Yeah?"

"What happens if people decide they want to fight again?" Tanya's eyes are wide.

"They—" _Won't?_ That feels like too much of a lie. "It's unlikely. And if they do, your mothers would keep you safe. You'd be their priority."

 _Was I my father's?_ If so, Erwin's betrayal must have stung all the more. He gulps.

"What happens to people when they die?" Tanya asks.

 _Stop being my conscience, kid_. "I don't know for sure."

Tanya frowns, her thumb lolling on her cheek.

"I think they're looking out for us," Erwin says. "In heaven." Somewhere. Wherever that is, whatever it is. And he doesn't know if he thinks that so much as he hopes it, because without that hope, he feels chilled as the names and faces of all the soldiers he led to their deaths parade through his mind.

 _What if my father would be ashamed of me? Would he support the lengths I went to, to save humanity?_ Erwin's always assumed the answer is yes, but— _what if it's not?_

"What happens if I have a nightmare?" Tanya asks.

 _You don't want to go to sleep, do you?_ Erwin bites back a smile. "I'll come help you."

"Ma gives me a glass of milk when that happens."

"Then I'll give you a glass of milk." Erwin makes a mental note to ask Ymir if that's really true.

"'Kay." Tanya's eyes drift shut—well, almost shut. _So close._ Erwin holds his breath and waits.

Gingerly, Erwin rises to his feet. Tanya doesn't stir. Astrid flops over in her bed.

He slips out of the room to find Frieda curled up against the wall, her head resting on her knees as she sobs. "Frieda?"

"Go away."

 _I've had it_. "No," Erwin retorts, sitting down on the window seat above her. "You've been acting out all day. What's going on?"

"You're not my—"

"So, you miss them?" Erwin cuts in.

Frieda shrugs. "And I had a fight with Carla yesterday."

 _Oh_. Erwin winces. Usually Carla and Frieda are practically attached at the hip. "What did you fight about?"

"Nothing."

 _Well then_. How is it possible Erwin can outsmart the entire Military Police and still be stymied by a six-year-old girl? "You don't have to tell me, but I'm sorry. You guys will make up."

"What if we don't?"

"Do you want to?"

Frieda _finally_ lifts her head and nods. Her eyes are red-rimmed.

"Levi and I have gotten into a lot of fights," Erwin tells her. "We didn't exactly like each other when we first met, even. Jean and Eren fought all the time."

"Really?" Frieda's eyebrows soar up her forehead.

"Yup. But they get along fine now." _More or less._ "And Levi and I are friends."

"You're best friends, right?" Frieda asks, shifting to her knees and nudging her book aside.

"Yeah," Erwin says, hope stirring. "We are."

"Sorry," Frieda mumbles. "For being mean earlier."

"I forgive you." Erwin extends his hand, and she shakes it with a giggle. "You can say you're sorry to Carla too, and when she says _she's_ sorry—because I'm betting she is—you can say the same thing back."

Frieda grins.

* * *

"No nightmares?" Erwin questions when Tanya staggers out of her room the next morning. He attempts to turn a pancake over and watches it fall apart. _Dammit_. Having two hands would really be helpful here.

She shakes her head. "Nope."

"Can I go talk to Carla after breakfast?" Frieda asks as she slides onto a chair at the table.

"I think that's a good idea," Erwin agrees.

The door flings open. Tanya screams. Even Erwin jumps.

"Relax, it's me," Levi says. "With additional brats."

"Isabel!" Frieda runs to her friend. Kuno and Tanya wave at each other.

"I came to see if you need saving," Levi tells him.

"Can you cook?"

Levi cocks his head. "Better than you, apparently."

"Thanks a lot, Levi," Erwin grumbles. He puts the somewhat-salvaged blueberry pancake on a plate. Frieda takes it to Astrid. "Where's Hange?"

Levi sets down a container of tea. "We're making tea. And Hange is fine. Marlowe just came for her."

Erwin pours more batter into the pan. It sizzles. "Wait, why? Is Hitch all right?"

"Apparently her water broke."

"What does that mean?" asks Frieda, eyes wide. "Did she drop a water bottle?"

"None of your concern," Levi retorts. "Like this, Erwin." He grabs the spatula and turns the pancake over, using only one hand.

Erwin can't pay much attention. "Isn't it like a month early?"

"Maybe." Levi grimaces. "But Hange didn't seem to think she or the baby was in any serious danger."

"So Hitch is having a baby?" cries out Tanya. "That's so cool!"

"It better be a girl," Isabel mumbles. In moments like these, when her face is all screwed up and her black hair falls over her eyes, her resemblance to Levi astounds Erwin.

"Boy!" Kuno crows, shoving his sister.

" _Knock it off,_ Kuno!" Isabel elbows him away.

"Stop fighting!" Levi yelps, wrenching his children away from each other. Erwin snorts as he hands Tanya a pancake and mixes more. "Or you won't be getting breakfast. Yes, Eyebrows, I'm crashing your meal."

"Fine by me."

"How do you have babies?" asks Frieda with a frown as Erwin hands her a pancake.

Levi turns back to the tea. "Ask your moms."

"Hasn't Hange already your kids a scientific explanation?" Erwin asks in a lowered voice.

Levi scrunches up his face. "Don't remind me, or they'll start asking me questions again, and I am not in the mood to answer them."

"Will Hitch be okay?" asks Frieda.

"Of course," Erwin assures her. He hopes. _She has to be._

"How long does it take to have a baby?" asks Isabel.

"It took your mother over a day," Levi says. Erwin remembers that well. Levi was a complete wreck the entire time. And he remembers when Levi held Isabel for the first time—the complete shock on his face, the fear and also the determination. And Erwin knew what he was thinking without Levi saying a word: _she'll have a better upbringing than I did. She won't know the type of things I know. I'll keep her safe, no matter what._

The day plods on. Frieda and Carla return to play together, so Erwin assumes they've made up. Frieda gives him a thumbs-up to confirm.

"We heard Hitch screaming," Carla says.

"Having a baby can be painful," Erwin explains.

"Why?"

 _Nope_. "Ask your mom."

The sun is setting, bleeding orange and scarlet into the sky, when Hange bursts through the door.

"Hange!" Levi leaps to his feet, setting down his sixth cup of tea.

"It's a boy!" Hange cheers. Erwin grins. _A boy. So Hitch and Marlowe have a son._

"HA!" Kuno taunts his sister.

"You—"

" _Stop!"_ Levi barks, grabbing both of their arms before they can hit each other.

"Can we see the baby?" asks Carla, leaping to her feet.

"Maybe tomorrow," Erwin answers quickly. "I'm guessing Hitch is tired." Hange nods.

That night, all the girls go to bed without a fuss, and Erwin sits in the quiet. The moon shines through the window, and he breaths in the damp fall air. Another life, free from the constraints of the wall, the threat of being eaten. A life to be celebrated, enjoyed, not just survived.

Erwin remembers something Eren claims his mother used to say: that people are special just because they exist.

_Everyone who died within the walls. Who died at my command._

_And me, too._

_She probably would have said that about Zeke._ Erwin snorts.

Most days, that thought is a tiny grain of sand digging into his brain, one that irritates him and that he can't quite accept. Tonight, as he feels his eyes drift shut, he almost can.

The next morning, he serves the girls fruit and cereal, and then they head over to Marlowe and Hitch's. Eren and Mikasa, Marco and Jean, Reiner and Bertolt, and all their kids gather around.

"Petra and Nanaba say they'll be by later," Hange reports. "Same for Levi, and Sasha and Connie. Sasha's baking you all dinner. And Armin and Annie are still taking things cautiously with Mira."

Hitch leans back on their sofa, circles under her eyes, but a smile resting on her lips. Marlowe sits next to her, his face still slack in amazement as he holds the tiniest baby Erwin has ever seen.

"He's so small!" cries out Emma.

"He's so cute," coos Frieda.

"How're you feeling?" Erwin asks Hitch.

"Tired and sore," she replies, reaching for her son. Marlowe hands him over, tears still in his eyes.

"What's his name?"

"Engel," Hitch replies.

"So adorable," proclaims Carla.

"He looks just like Hitch," Marlowe adds. "Thank goodness."

"Nah, he looks like you too, thank goodness," Hitch teases. "He has your chin." Engel starts to wail. "He's probably hungry,"

"All right, time to go," Erwin announces to the kids.

"Fine," grumbles Frieda as he shepherds them out.

"Was I that tiny when I was born?" Maxim asks Eren.

"Sadly, no," Mikasa responds. "But close."

"Mom! Ma!" shrieks Tanya, and Erwin looks up to see Historia and Ymir both jumping off their horses and running towards their kids. Frieda lets go of Carla's hand, and Erwin carries Astrid over.

"Astrid!" Ymir takes her, squeezing her daughter.

"You're early!" Reiner gasps as Historia wraps her arms around Frieda and Tanya.

"It's called a car. We used one for the first time," Ymir answers, a grin on her face.

"No way!" gasps Frieda. Erwin's eyebrows fly up. _They did?_

"Hitch had the baby!" Tanya announces.

"What?" Historia gapes. "Isn't it too early?"

"He seems to be doing fairly well," Erwin reports.

"Tanya, watch out!" Ymir lunges for her, but Tanya trips and tumbles to the ground. "Shit!" Tanya yelps.

"What did you just say?" Ymir demands as Historia's eyes latch onto Erwin.

"Where did you hear that?" Historia asks.

"Um," Erwin begins, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You say it too, Ma," points out Frieda.

Ymir throws her head back and cackles. "So I do." She grins up at Erwin. "Thank you for watching them. Were they—"

"They were wonderful," Erwin affirms. His mind gallops ahead, trying to focus on what the outcome of Historia's trip must have been. But he can't read her for any clues.

 _Stop_.

Erwin draws in a deep breath, trying to focus on the ball of joy he felt inside Hitch and Marlowe's house, the hope from last night. _You don't have to rush out of it._

_You have time._


	7. First Crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating a few hours early today because I have an obligation this afternoon/evening. Enjoy!

"You sleeping any better?" Levi asks gruffly. The leaves are starting to change, their green now tinted with orange and gold. Beautiful, at least before they die.

"The cooler weather's certainly helping," Erwin responds.

"You're being evasive."

Erwin marches on ahead. Trees tower over them, blocking the sunlight, the azure sky. "Stop acting like Hange."

"How am I acting like Hange?" Levi throws his hands up in the air. "And we are married. She's got to rub off me a little. I at least managed to make her bathe more than once every few weeks."

Erwin kicks a rock. "Some nights I'm fine, and some nights I have dreams."

"Nightmares, you mean?" Levi retorts. Erwin hunches his shoulders, and Levi sighs. "You don't deserve it, you know."

"Excuse me?" Erwin whirls around, the autumn wind ruffling his hair. "What are you—"

"You still feel guilty," Levi informs him. "For everyone who died under your command. Don't you?"

Erwin's mouth goes dry. "Shouldn't I?"

"I don't know." Levi tugs his jacket tighter. "But I don't think so. You also saved—"

"And what if I hadn't?" The words tear out of Erwin's mouth before he can stop them. "What if I hadn't, Levi? And we were still living in that wall? Would it—"

"But you _did."_

Erwin grits his teeth. "You're impossible, Levi."

Levi snorts. "You knew that when you recruited me."

Erwin smirks. _True enough_. "We have to focus on other things. I can rest when this is over."

Levi mutters something that sounds an awful lot like " _bullshit_."

"Ymir and Historia said that Nile is involved in the investigation now," Erwin reminds Levi. "He'll help." They also suggested having Annie and Armin, plus Eren and Mikasa, separate from the group for a while. " _They think that we're sitting ducks," Historia reported._

Something rustles in the trees, and he freezes. Levi slams into him and grunts. Erwin peers behind a tree, and almost laughs. "Lukas?"

"Hi!" calls the boy, crouching down. He hides something behind his back.

"What are you up to, brat?" Levi asks, crossing his arms.

Lukas flushes bright red up to the roots of his dark hair. "Nothing."

"What do you have behind your back, then?" Erwin inquires. "If it's another snake to terrify Frieda—"

"It's not!" Lukas insists, holding out a bouquet of yellow and auburn chrysanthemums.

"I didn't know Jean and Marco liked flowers," Levi comments.

"It's not for them," Lukas retorts.

"Who's it for?" Erwin can only imagine that Jean's making Lukas apologize to Ymir and Historia for the incident with Frieda a few days ago.

"No one."

Levi rolls his eyes. "A likely story. Anyways, get back to town. You're too far into the forest."

"The best flowers are here," protests Lukas.

"There are some roses behind Reiner and Bertolt's place," Erwin points out.

"Really?" Lukas brightens. Levi frowns.

"Mm-hm." Erwin watches as Lukas starts to dash off. "Please don't prick your thumb with a thorn!" Jean might kill Erwin in that case.

"I won't!" Lukas hollers as he vanishes.

"A decent punishment," Levi allows, clearly thinking along the same lines as Erwin's. "Isabel said Carla cried, too."

The idea of finding snakes scary amuses Erwin. Not that he likes the creatures, but there are far worse things. They troop back into town to find Jean, Marco, and Armin arguing.

"I don't know, Armin," Jean says as he runs his hand through his hair. "I personally think that's more risky than just staying here."

"Yeah, but Annie's been wanting to—"

"I think it's an understandable idea," Marco says quietly. "Especially if Annie wants to, I think you should do it."

"Do what?" Levi asks. Marco and Armin both jump.

"Question, Levi," drawls Jean. "How often did you eavesdrop on us as recruits?"

"As little as I possibly could," Levi replies.

Erwin smiles. "We just found your son picking flowers in the woods."

"Really?" Marco frowns. "Why?"

Levi grimaces. Erwin cocks his head. "We assumed it was to apologize to Ymir and Historia for what he did to Frieda the other day."

"Well, if it is, it's not on our orders," Jean responds, rubbing his chin. "That'd be nice of him."

Marco nods, although his eyebrows are raised in skepticism.

"So back to what it is you're thinking of doing, Armin?" Erwin prompts.

Armin laughs. "Well… Annie wants to visit her father. Finally. He's never met Mira, you know."

 _Visit her father_? The stories Erwin's heard about the man aren't pleasant, even if it's been clear that Annie still loves him. He still turned her into a monster, a monster that could have easily killed her. Erwin can't imagine love being enough to forgive that.

"Given Ymir and Historia's recommendation," Armin adds. "Now might be a good time. Or in the next few weeks."

"Eren's going to flip his shit," Jean predicts. Levi shrugs as if to agree.

"But that's not a reason to consider not going," Marco says. "I'm sure he wonders about his daughter."

"He kind of deserves to," Armin grumbles.

"Aren't you worried about how they'd treat you?" Erwin asks, studying Armin. "As a person from inside the walls?"

Armin shudders, wrapping his arms around himself. "Yes."

"Do you really want to expose Mira to that?"

Armin lifts up his face. "No. But she's going to hear it sooner rather than later. The world is complicated, and—I want her to know that."

"It could even encourage her, in a way," Marco observes, resting his chin on his fist. "She already knows how much you and Annie love each other. She's got a solid foundation to see that prejudice isn't enough to prevent that from happening."

"Maybe you should talk to Reiner and Bertolt," Erwin suggests.

Armin heaves a sigh. "Yeah. And we wouldn't be gone long. Just a week or two."

"If Historia's idea wasn't for the two of you to split up, I would recommend taking Eren and Mikasa," Jean says. "That could get very interesting."

"That would be suicide," Armin shoots back. "Eren would go berserk and I'd like my father-in-law not to completely hate me."

"I know. I'm just joking with you." Jean leans his head against Marco's shoulder as Carla skips by.

Holding a bouquet of chrysanthemums.

With two pink roses worn behind her ears.

Levi and Erwin turn to gape at each other.

"Pretty flowers," Armin calls out to her.

She waves and skips on.

"Did Lukas—" Marco starts.

"Good for him," Jean declares, slapping his knee.

"Are you trying to get our child killed?" Marco moans.

"Oh brother," mumbles Levi.

"I'm not telling Eren," Erwin says, raising his hands and spreading his fingers.

"It's cute," Armin comments. "Don't you all remember your first crushes?"

"Him," Marco says, jerking his thumb towards Jean.

"That can't be true," Jean says with a laugh.

Marco frowns., scuffing his shoe against the ground. "It is."

"What?" Jean's face blooms read. "How did I not know this?"

Levi shakes his head. Armin smiles.

Jean leans over and takes Marco's face between his hands, kissing him.

"I'm off to go talk to Eren and Mikasa," Armin says. "Erwin, maybe you should come too. See if you can help us strategize about how to best plan this thing out." He glances at his former commander.

Erwin smiles. _Why do you idolize me still_? "You're more than capable of strategizing on your own," he says as he falls in step behind Armin.

"Fine then!" Levi hollers behind him. Erwin rolls his eyes.

"I'd feel more secure if someone else reviewed it," Armin answers honestly.

 _Confidence is still a battle for you,_ Erwin realizes. A quieter one, a more sporadic one for sure, but still a struggle. _You're the one inspiring me now._

He remembers when he found out that Armin and Annie were dating, how Armin looked terrified for Annie, how he kept glancing to Erwin to see if—to see what? If Erwin was disappointed in him? If he was willing to spare Annie?

Armin's never disappointed him.

"Hey!" Eren bounds over to Armin, throwing his arms around him. Mikasa's red scarf wraps around her neck again now that the nights creep tantalizingly close to a frost. Maxim and Carla play with pretend wooden swords, ones Erwin remembers Levi picking up for the twins back in the city. _Levi, you're a softie at heart._

"I'm glad you're doing this," Mikasa tells Armin as they sit on the plain blue couch and chair. "It's good to see family, when it's safe."

"I sometimes wish I could see Zeke," Eren admits. "Give him one last chance to see."

Erwin's stomach knots. Zeke wouldn't have seen. It was impossible—or as close to impossible as it gets—for him to have changed at that point. He'd gone too far, sacrificed too much.

It's a feeling Erwin's well acquainted with.

Mikasa's hand grips Eren's shoulder.

"No, Maxim!" shrieks Carla. "Don't stomp on my rose! You'll ruin it!"

"S-sorry!" stammers Maxim.

"'s okay," Carla mumbles, dumping the dead flower in the trash bin.

"You still look lovely with just one," Mikasa calls.

Carla grins. _Her smile looks just like Eren's,_ Erwin realizes. His fingers float to his own face. _How much do I resemble my father?_

How strange it must be, to look into someone else and see your features. Erwin doesn't know if he'd like it.

"You look beautiful, sweetheart," Eren proclaims. "Did you get those from behind Reiner and Bertolt's?"

"Lukas gave them to me," Carla responds, twirling her sword.

Maxim bursts into cackles. Erwin's heart drops like a rock into the pit of his stomach.

"What?" Eren ekes out.

* * *

"Erwin, please get Eren to behave," Mikasa requests.

Erwin glances back and forth between the couple. Mikasa's stoic face remains as calm as ever, while Eren's eyes bulge and his mouth hangs open in an 'o' of horror. _"Already?"_ he keeps mumbling. "Um, no."

"What?" Mikasa glares at him, a look Erwin hasn't seen in years, her eyes narrowed and her mouth set in a firm, rigid line.

"When did you two ever behave?" Erwin points out, a laugh bubbling up inside him. He can't help it. The scenario is just too funny. _Jean's son and Eren's daughter._ Even Armin snorts.

"Oh." Mikasa scowls.

"What do you mean?" calls out Maxim.

"Erwin's just kidding. Your mother and I always followed his exact commands, including _going to bed on time_ ," Eren says quickly.

Erwin winks at Maxim, who grins.

"Mikasa?" Eren asks.

"Erwin, you are not my commander anymore, and I'm going to have to kill you," Mikasa declares.

Laughter still shakes his frame. "Levi's going to be sad he wasn't here for this."

"But like—he likes her? Does she like him?" Eeen whispers.

"Maybe you should ask her," Armin says dryly.

"She accepted his flowers," Mikasa points out.

Eren grips his skull. "Aren't they too young?"

"Eren, I have been in love with you since I was nine," Mikasa reports.

"Carla's six. Almost seven."

"It's cute."

"It is _not_ cute."

"It's cute," Armin confirms, looking to Erwin for confirmation. He nods.

Carla's already opening the front door. "Carla!" Eren hollers.

"Yeah?" She pauses.

"Where are you going?"

"Oh, for goodness's sake," Mikasa complains.

"To see Frieda and Lukas!"

"Have fun!" Mikasa calls. Carla scampers outside. Erwin can't keep his grin off his face.

Eren clenches his fists.

"Why are you so worked up about this?" Mikasa demands. "They're innocent kids. Let them have crushes."

"I know," Eren mumbles. "It's just—so soon—and after that incident with the snake—why _Jean's_ kid?"

"Like father, like son," Armin opines, and Erwin's heart clenches.

He wishes he had had more time to get to know what his father was like.

The door bangs open. "What now?" Eren howls.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Annie demands as she marches in, dropping down on the floor next to her husband. She stretches her legs out.

"We heard we were requested," Reiner says as he and Bertolt enter. "Via Jean and Marco."

"Did they mention that their son has a crush on my daughter?"

"Or that your daughter has a crush on their son?" Mikasa reprimands him.

"Wow." Reiner's eyes widen. "That's—unexpected."

"Damn right. See?" Eren proclaims.

"No," returns Mikasa.

"Well, we came to talk about you and Annie visiting our old hometown," Reiner says. Bertolt studies the braided carpet on the floor, his face pale.

"Is going back like returning to the walls, I imagine?" Armin wonders aloud. "It's something I haven't been able to do. Although I admire Historia and Ymir for doing it."

"Wouldn't know," Reiner says as he settles on the carpet, Bertolt next to him. "I can't bring myself to do it. But I admire you for wanting to, Annie."

"It's funny, because when we were—in the middle of everything—" Eren says. "All you wanted to do was go back home, Bertolt."

 _All you wanted was to be safe,_ Erwin thinks. _How ironic we wanted the same things._

"There's nothing for me there," Bertolt says quietly. "It just took me awhile to realize it. The Marleyans never intended to free any of us, or reward our families. We were monsters to them just the same as we were monsters to you."

Erwin can see the guilt radiating from Bertolt's eyes.

"Emma's been asking about our parents, where we came from, etc. Johann hasn't yet, but someday I expect he will." Reiner sighs. "We may or may not go back eventually. But our families don't entirely understand."

"And I'm afraid of what they'd say or do to Emma and Johann," Bertolt adds.

"So do you think we're being foolish?" Annie asks. "To visit?"

"You have extra motivations," Reiner points out. "No."

"Do we?" Armin asks with a lopsided smile. "Or do I just want to see where Annie came from? Does Annie want to see her father, and this is a good excuse?"

Annie leans her head against Armin's shoulder.

"So what if that is part of your reasoning?" Erwin asks. "It's fine."

Armin peers up at him. "You think so?"

"Yes. I do." Erwin's heart aches. "I want to visit the wall. And my father's grave. I can't do it yet, but I will do it. Eventually. Within—five years." He's setting that limit for himself. And maybe then he can let his ghosts sleep.

"Huh," Eren says, studying Erwin. Mikasa looks pensive—wondering about her own parents, maybe.

"You know I still feel like I let them down?" Reiner asks. "My—family. I doubt the community has been kind to them when words spread about what their son did. I don't know that I could have gone back there even if we'd been successful and the Marleyans kept their word, though. Either way, I'd have been—so ashamed. Or what they turned me into, of turning on them and prioritizing people other than them—not that I regret it—am I making any sense?"

"Yeah," says Annie. Bertolt nods.

"I still wish they liked me," Bertolt admits, voice so tiny.

 _That's why all the kids like you so much,_ Erwin thinks. _You make them feel safe. You make them feel liked just for being._

"I like you," Reiner teases, mussing with Bertolt's hair.

* * *

"Knock, knock," Jean says outside Eren and Mikasa's open door an hour later.

"Jean!" Eren leaps to his feet. "Your—"

"Yeah, I know, our kids like each other."

"And you're not remotely disturbed by that?"

"Eren, stop," Mikasa says.

"I don't hold you against Carla!" Jean snaps. "But also, they're at our house now, with Frieda too, and they said something about strange people in the forest."

 _What_? Erwin's heart picks up pace. All of them spring out of the house and rush to Jean and Marco's. Marco stands in front of the stove, cooking omelets and with his face set in a grim expression. A knife lies nearby on the counter. Frieda, Lukas, and Carla sit on the floor, arranging blocks into what looks like an elaborate castle. _Impressive_.

"Wow," Frieda says, eyes wide. "What's going on?"

"We heard you came across some people in the woods," Erwin says as he crouches down.

"Yeah," says Lukas. "Behind Reiner and Bertolt's place."

Reiner and Bertolt exchange a look. Bertolt heads for the door immediately.

"How many people?" Erwin asks.

"Three. Two boys and a girl," Carla reports, the rose still pink against her hair. "They didn't see us but they heard us, so we ran back here."

Marco's knuckles go white. Jean and Eren both look terrified.

"I'm getting Ymir and Historia," Armin says quickly. Annie departs with him, presumably to find Mira.

"Mikasa, want to come with me?" Erwin asks, taking in her furious expression. "I'm getting Levi."

"I'll meet you at his and Hange's." Mikasa stalks off.

 _If they're who we think they are…. They were so close, too close, to getting Carla_. Erwin feels as if he's going to be sick. Not here. Not again.

The moment he tells Levi and Hange, Levi marches into his bedroom. When he returns, he's carrying the blades from their old 3D maneuver gear. He tosses two at Hange and grips the others two in his hands.

 _Again?_ Erwin tests the feel of it. He's not sure he likes it.

"If you get killed by humans, I'll kill you again," Hange warns him, voice low so that Isabel and Kuno don't overhear.

"I won't." Levi kisses her and then follows Erwin out the door. Mikasa's storming up to them, her blades in her hands. Erwin feels strangely unprepared.

"Here." She offers him one.

Erwin takes it. Shadows cross-cross over the ground as the sun starts to drip away. Leaves rustle.

Reiner and Bertolt greet them, Reiner giving a subtle thumbs-up. _I assume all of the kids are okay, then._

_But only for now. It's temporary._

Levi and Mikasa both look to Erwin, as if he's still their commander. Erwin heads into the woods, both of them continuing stealthily behind him, stepping in his footsteps.

The sound of scurrying jolts Erwin. He glances up to see two squirrels chasing each other. He takes another step and stops. The acrid smell of smoke tinges the air.

Levi scowls. Mikasa raises her blade.

But there's still only the sounds of their own breaths.

Erwin surges forward, passing several enormous oak trees, one covered in blue mold, to see the ashes of a campfire, clearly put out.

_Where did they go?_


	8. Kidnapped

"This isn't right," breathes Levi. A bird lets out a shrill cry as the sky overhead darkens into a deep mauve. Dead leaves lie rotting on the ground, and knobbly, naked tree branches intertwine above, clawing at the sky.

Mikasa glances up at him. Gooseflesh rises on Erwin's arm, spreading down his spine. He crouches down, touching the stones around the fire. "Lukewarm."

"How long?" Mikasa demands, her blade trembling in her hand.

 _These are her kids._ "Twenty minutes," Erwin says. _Which would be plenty of time to…_

"We need to get back _now_ ," Levi states.

They don't know where they've gone, but now's the time to be on defense. Erwin cannot risk anything happening to these kids.

Lightning snaps above them, the flash blinding them.

"Shit," says Erwin.

Mikasa bolts, Levi and Erwin following. Branches scratch at his face, tear at his cloak, and Erwin doesn't care. His feet stumble over a rock, but he keeps going. He can't fail. Not now.

They bursts out of the forest to see a tall, blonde titan. "Annie," Erwin breathes.

"Erwin!" bellows Reiner, charging out from the house. Bertolt appears, blades gripped in his hands while Johann peers out from behind him.

"What the hell's happening?" screams Levi as Mikasa hurtles past, heading straight for Annie.

"I don't know!" Reiner hesitates, his hand near his mouth. And Erwin knows what he's afraid of: _what if I snap?_ Because while Reiner's dissociation has lessened, Erwin knows he still struggles on occasion.

"Do whatever you'll regret the least," Levi tells him, and Erwin's old line jolts him.

 _That meant that much to you?_ He really shouldn't be surprised.

Annie's giant blonde head vanishes, and Reiner lowers his hand, relief on his face. "Emma was supposed to be with Mira and Isabel."

"What?" Levi blanches.

"Let's go!" Erwin rushes past the cabins, towards the place where the titan disappeared from. He finds Annie crumpled on the ground, Armin holding her with one arm and with his other, Mira. Historia and Ymir have Isabel and Emma.

"What happened?" screams Eren as he appears. Ymir's hand also hover dangerously close to her mouth, and her eyes glitter with fury. Mikasa runs ahead.

"Two men came up to us and they tried to grab Mira!" sobs Emma. Reiner runs to her, scooping her up in his arms. Erwin notices his shoulders shaking as he presses her face into his neck.

"It's okay. You're safe," Reiner chokes out.

"I will kill them," Annie vows.

"Where?" Erwin demands as Levi drops to his knees, grabbing Isabel and crushing her in an embrace. Hange runs towards them, Kuno on her heels and dirt—or chocolate?—smeared across both their faces. Erik darts to his friend.

"Behind our place," Historia says, Tanya stands behind her, holding Astrid's hand.

"We should fan out, right?" asks Oruo as Petra clutches Lily's arm. "Some of us stay with the kids—including some titans—and the rest of us—"

Erwin's eyes sweep the people around him. Almost everybody—Gunthur appears, Mike and Nanaba behind him. Eld stands with his eyes flashing, ready to fight. Jean and Marco bookend Lukas, Carla, and Frieda.

Sasha and Connie run up with a crying Nora and Gabriel, followed by Marlowe and Hitch, clutching Engel to her chest, and that's when a rock twists in Erwin's stomach.

"Where's Erwin?" Mike demands. "Other Erwin."

"Mikasa went to go get him and Maxim. They were at our place," Eren says.

Erwin breaks into a run, but he knows before he gets there— _dammit, they played us!_

_They may not have known who she was, but they let Carla and Lukas go. They knew we'd investigate._

_They planned this._

_They failed to get Mira, and Jean and Marco weren't letting them get anywhere close to Carla._

Mikasa's scream tears through the air before Erwin rounds the bend to see her racing out of her house, her eyes wide and her lips parted, dazed, enraged.

He only saw her like this once before. When Eren was abducted.

"No!" Erwin hears Eren bellow behind him.

Erwin launches himself into their house. A vase knocked over, a cushion askew on the couch, and scuffed footprints on the floor.

_Oh hell no. This can't be happening._

_We failed._

_Bullshit! We haven't failed yet. You got Eren back that time, right_? Erwin clenches his fist, whirling around to find Hange standing there with a mask of rage.

"They have Erwin, too," she says.

 _And they won't need him. Not for long_.

"We have to find them," Erwin says. He rushes to Mikasa, to Eren. Mike unleashes his own blades, Nanaba's face struggling not to crumple. They know, too. There's a ticking clock.

 _I will not let that child die needlessly._ Not Erwin, his namesake, the first child Erwin held, the one who made Erwin think that maybe, just maybe, there was a new life for each of them.

 _I'm sorry the world can still be so ugly,_ Erwin thinks, fury surging through him. _You shouldn't have to face this._ Not Erwin Jr., and not Maxim.

Eren staggers away from Mikasa, and a bolt of lightning strikes the ground. A roar tears through the air. Erwin's heart thumps in his chest as Eren peers all around them, searching for any trace of his son.

"You're gonna need another titan to come with you enraged parents and humanity's greatest soldier and greatest commander," Ymir says as she marches up to them, her jaw set and eyes flaming. "Annie needs to stay with Mira right now. I'm coming."

"Thank you, Ymir," Erwin says, giving a nod.

"It's the least I can do." She backs up and turns her back to her children, so that her daughters won't see her biting her hand. A flash of lightning, and then her small titan appears. "Grab on," she invites.

Mikasa charges over to Eren, Mike and Nanaba following. He leans down and picks them up, lifting them to his shoulders. Erwin and Levi climb to Ymir's shoulders.

"Be safe," Historia orders.

"Find them," Armin says, voice fierce.

 _We will_. Eren lets out a roar—he's spotted something. Hope sparks as Erwin clutches his blade. Levi narrows his eyes as they charge into the forest.

"Mikasa, keep your husband in check!" Erwin shouts. She gives him a thumbs-up from where she's perched below Eren's titanic ear.

The pulsations of danger—it feels so familiar, and yet so out of place now. He feels whole, back where he's most comfortable, and yet can't shake off the cobwebs reminding him that this isn't the life he has anymore, and it isn't the life he should feel any sort of comfort in returning to. And there's a key difference—the fear needling him is unlike anything he ever felt when fighting the titans. Because now he knows peace. Now at risk are children he loves.

 _I will not let them get away with Erwin or Maxim._ Erwin sets his jaw, his teeth aching from clenching them so tightly. _No matter what it costs me._

The furious look embedded in Levi's face tells Erwin he thinks the same. _I can still trust him._

_He's still my best soldier. Our best soldier._

Mikasa's shouting something into Eren's ears, but Erwin can't make it out. And then he vanishes, and Ymir groans. "Sorry." She puts them on the ground, wet leaves sticking to Erwin's pants as she transforms back into a human too. _A tired human_ —they haven't transformed in so long. _Not what we need._

"I think our approach would be better as humans," Mikasa says. "We see three horses galloping along the riverbanks. We're assuming that's them. If we follow them and then wait for nightfall, we can—"

"I disagree," Erwin says. "To an extent. I think Eren and Ymir should be titans, but only to distract them."

"They'll know we're coming then," Eren retorts.

"And they'll be nervous and thus on edge," Levi returns. "Brat."

Eren snorts.

"I'll do whatever you think is best," Ymir says, turning to Erwin. Mike and Nanaba nod.

"Eren, you distract them," Erwin says. "Get close enough to unnerve them but not close enough so that they'll know we're right on their tail. Don't run at them. I know it'll be hard—"

"You don't know," Eren says. "That's my _son."_

"And we're going to get him back," Erwin vows, blood coursing through him. "Ymir, you're fast. You can get us close, and then focus on distracting them too. Charge at them. Mikasa, Mike, Nanaba and I will get the kids and then Eren, I want you to come back around and we'll get out of here."

"How will I know?" Eren asks.

"I'll scream," Ymir offers. "You'll hear that." She sets her jaw. "We will get your sons back. I won't let this nightmare continue any longer."

"Let's go."

Two more lightning strikes, and Ymir's charging through the forest. She may be tired, but she's determined.

Eren vanishes from sight, but they can still hear his footfalls. Mikasa tugs at her scarf, gazing in her husband's direction.

As they get closer, Erwin can hear the gurgle of the river. Spindly tress still spike up from the ground, obscuring it from his view. And then he hears hoofbeats and agitated shouts. He tenses. They all do. Levi, Mikasa, Mike, Nanaba. His soldiers ready for one last mission.

"Good luck," Ymir hisses as she drops them onto the ground, charging for the river. _What is she doing?_

He can't worry about Ymir's plans. She's always been too hard to figure out. Erwin rushes through the trees. Her howl screeches through the evening air. A horse whinnies in terror. Someone screams.

"Now!" Erwin charges out from the forest. A woman leaps at him. He sees her, he sees her hair, and he sees the barrel of the gun and her finger, twitching.

_I'm going to die._

Instead, the woman screams and tumbles to the ground, a horse's hoof slamming down on her shoulder. Maxim stands there, a small knife in his hand and ropes still dangling around his wrists.

Levi tosses one of the kidnappers into the river. Mikasa and Mike pine the third to the ground, twisting his arms behind his back.

"Erwin!" screams Nanaba, yanking the gag from her son's lips. Mike's face whitens with fury.

Blood boils inside Erwin. _How dare they?_

"Got the third," growls Ymir, lifting up a waterlogged kidnapper. "We've got proper restraints and then Historia and I will take them to the city tomorrow."

Maxim bursts into tears as Eren appears. Mikasa leaps up, rushing to her son and throwing her arms around him.

"I'm so scared," Maxim sobs.

"You're okay," she insists. "You're safe. _Maxim_."

His teeth chatter. "They were going to kill Erwin!"

"But they didn't," Mikasa says. "We're here." Her fingers tremble as she pulls off her scarf, wrapping it around her son's neck. Eren appears, a human now, and grabs his son, tears streaming down his face.

Erwin watches his namesake lean against his parents, shock still on his face. _You were too young for this._

_We all were._

_He's okay. He's alive._ Erwin wipes at his eyes. They sting.

Levi lashes two of the kidnappers together with rope they've had in their bags, stuffs a gag in their mouths. "Don't want to hear it," he warns the one with the clearly broken shoulder. "But you _will_ talk later."

"This one says there's no one else nearby," Ymir muses as a titan, still holding him inches away from her teeth. "I'm taking all three to the city. Tonight. The rest of you, head back."

"Are you sure?" Erwin asks.

"I'm sure." She reaches for the two Levi's lashed together. "It's the least I can do."

"The least you can do is let us study you!" bursts out the one still being held, the only one how isn't gagged. "So we can learn about the threat—"

"Trust me," Ymir growls, bringing him closer to her eyes. "There are some threats that shouldn't be studied."

* * *

"So the threat is neutralized," Levi says the next morning. Levi, Hange, Erwin, Sasha, Connie, and Armin gather at Historia and Ymir's house. Frieda, Tanya, and Astrid play together, their faces somber.

Erwin raises a cup of steaming coffee to his lips. It's slightly too hot, but he doesn't care.

"For now," Ymir confirms. "I'm sure there will be others at some point who will come for the remaining titans. As time passes maybe the threat will become less."

"Good," Erwin says. "How are—"

"Maxim cried all night, but Mikasa and Eren are taking good care of him," Armin says. "It'll take time. For both of them."

_Because they should be traumatized. Because no one should be attempting to take their lives._

_What a cruel world we grew up in._

_But there was hope for us. There's hope for them._

"Now you don't have to go and visit Annie's dad, Armin," Connie points out.

Armin winces. "We're going anyways."

"You are?" questions Erwin.

"Yeah." Armin shoves his hands into his pockets. "It's time." He smiles. "But we'll be back."


	9. Chapter 9

"How was it?" Erwin asks as Armin hoists a sleepy Mira off of their horse. She rests her head against her father's shoulder, snoozing on. The wind cuts at their face, and the grass feels crisp with frost under his feet.

Armin rubs Mira's back. "It was—"

"Interesting," Annie cuts in, grabbing their bags. "Being back there. After all this time."

"How did they—"

"They were wary of both of us," Annie says. "I'm still a titan, and I'm a traitor. And Armin's the enemy."

"Your father was polite, though," Armin says quietly. "He and I had a good talk last night. And he adores Mira."

"How could he not?" Erwin points out, teeth chattering.

"I couldn't leave him alone with her," Annie comments, leaning her head against the horse's neck and stroking its mane. "I have too many memories of him training me. I know he's content with the peace and all, but I don't trust him."

"I don't think you have to," Armin says.

They head back towards their house, and Erwin heads to his own. He crawls under the covers and thinks of his own father.

 _I'm sorry I betrayed you,_ he thinks for the millionth time. If only, just one of those times, a voice came, or an image, or anything to reassure him that his father heard, that his father knew, and that his father forgave him, he might be able to let it go.

Because Erwin's worst fear, the one gnawing at his mind right now, is that maybe, just maybe all he's done—proving his father right, helping establish peace for mankind—isn't enough. What does being right have on being alive? Erwin's always thought goals, morality, defeating evil far more important than life.

But now he knows not everything thinks like that, and he's not confidant calling their priorities wrong.

Maybe he should respond to Nile and set up a meeting soon. The immediate threat is over, after all.

Erwin closes his eyes and dreams about his father chasing him through a field mad of tall grass and sunflowers while he laughed and laughed.

When Erwin wakes up, he realizes it's the first time he's remembered the sound of his father's laugh in years, how deep it was, how it rumbled through the air and lifted Erwin's spirits because he was so confidant in his father's love.

_Until I ruined everything._

The next morning, Erwin bumps into Marlowe. Bags hang under his eyes, and he rubs his cheek. "You okay?" Erwin questions.

"Sleepy," Marlowe admits. "Engel's got colic."

Erwin cringes. He remembers when Kuno had it and Hange was brought to tears and Levi to his wit's end. Erwin wound up babysitting for a night just to give the two of them nine hours of precious sleep. "If he doesn't get better soon and you and Hitch need a night off, I can help."

Marlowe blinks. "You'd really do that?"

"Of course."

"Well, we might have to take you up on that. Hopefully not though." Marlowe cringes. "It's just so concerning when he's crying for hours and we can't figure out why. I'd give anything to make him feel better. Hitch was so worried she cried too last night."

Erwin nods.

"Anyways, Annie said she'd come over and help Hitch today, now that she's back." Marlowe clears his throat. "I heard Maxim's not doing so well."

"Nightmares?"

"Yeah, a few of them."

Erwin sighs. He wouldn't risk that on anyone, having the rime when your brain is supposed to rest, supposed to energize you, transform into something else to be survived. "Mike said Erwin's had a few, too. And Erik's been too scared to fall asleep."

" _I will never let anyone hurt you ever again," Mike promised his son, his enormous frame folding around his son's tiny frame._

"Speak of the devil," Marlowe says as Maxim rushes past, heading towards Jean and Marco's house and Lukas, Erwin presumes.

"Maxim!" shouts Mikasa, chasing after him. Jean steps outside, mouthing at her. She shrugs and waves, as if to say it's fine.

"What happened?" Erwin asks.

"He's just—" Mikasa frowns as a light rain begins to drizzle. "He had a rough night and lashed out at Eren when he tried to comfort him." She rolls her eyes. "They're so alike."

 _They are_. The idea of Eren Jr. with an Ackerman's strength is awe-inspiring and terrifying. At the same time, at least Erwin knows they survived Eren with a titan's strength, so the world will likely still be standing.

"What did he say?" Marlowe asks.

Mikasa blinks. Are her eyes tearing up? "He told Eren that it was his fault, that if he hadn't been a titan none of this would have happened, that if his grandfather hadn't been such a selfish person—" She stops.

Erwin's lungs feel cold. "How is Eren?"

"Hurt," Mikasa says honestly. "I mean—we know Maxim's hurting too. But Eren seems to think it is his fault, so he's pretty upset with himself, not with Maxim."

"Is Carla with him?" asks Erwin.

"No, she's with Frieda. Historia's giving them math lessons. Maxim is supposed to go too, but since he had such a terrible night we let him stay home." Mikasa sighs. "Can you talk with him, Erwin?"

"Me?"

"Yeah." She touches her neck, but her scarf's not there. "I think you'd be the most helpful person right now. You were there. And you're not one of his parents, so."

 _I can't fix your family problems!_ Erwin thinks. His legs feel rooted in place. _I ruined my own family._

_You've faced titans and talked to people who have considered you their enemy for a hundred years and you're afraid to talk to a small child?_

But maybe it's not Maxim he's afraid of.

Erwin swallows. "Okay."

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Maxim snaps as he and Lukas work on some sort of craft. Sunlight filters through the green curtains Marco hung up.

"Don't be rude," Marco chastises.

"I think you know why I'm here," Erwin responds, wrapping his arm around his midsection. Jean and Marco exchange a look.

Maxim's face pales. The cardboard he's been holding falls to the carpet, which matches the curtains.

"Do you want to talk?" Erwin asks as he crouches down.

"Aren't you going to make me?" Maxim squirms.

"Possibly. Your mom's pretty upset."

"But I didn't even say anything to her!" Maxim exclaims, indignant.

"You said something to your dad," Erwin points out. "Seeing him hurt hurts her."

Maxim bites his lip, eyes bright. He gets to his feet and bolts.

"Maxim!" yells Jean, reaching for him, but the kid ducks and scuttles out the door.

"Shit," says Erwin. He staggers to his feet and charges after him. The drizzle coats his face, chilling him.

"You said a bad word!" calls Lukas.

"Lukas, it's just a word," Jean says.

" _Jean!"_ shouts Marco.

Maxim trips over a loose stone, falling with a splat to his knees.

"Dammit!" Erwin skids to a stop next to him. "You okay?"

"Go away!" Maxim shouts, craning his neck up. His face flushes red, and tears bead his eyes. His hands ball up into fists.

"Maxim—"

"I wish they'd succeeded! I wish they had kidnapped me or would come back and try again so I won't have to deal with my dad or my mom or _you_ anymore!"

The words stab deeper than Erwin imagined. He flinches, something stinging his own eyes. "You don't mean that."

"I do," Maxim insists, and something about his trembling voice, the fury and the terror on his face—it reminds Erwin of Bertolt and Reiner, when they were caught. It reminds Erwin of _himself_ , when he was told what happened to his father—how trapped he felt by his own words, words he couldn't take back no matter how he wanted to. _I'm sorry. I'm sorry._

"Maxim," he says, and the boy bursts into tears. Erwin kneels on the soaked ground, folding him into his arms as Maxim cries against his shoulder.

"You hate me," Maxim chokes out. "Well, I—"

"You don't have to say it," Erwin breaks in. "You know you don't have to. You can change your mind."

"But you hate—"

"No, Maxim, I _don't_ hate you." Erwin swallows. "I would never, ever hate you. I promise."

"Why?" howls Maxim.

"Well, you hurt me," Erwin allows. "But I don't hate you. And neither does your dad. And neither does your mom. They _love_ you, Maxim."

"Then why does Dad act weird lately? Like I'm—I don't want them—" Sobs tear through his voice, and he clutches Erwin.

Erwin closes his eyes. "Because they're scared. It kills them that they couldn't protect you, and they feel guilty about that. But they love you, Maxim, and they'd do _anything_ for you."

"I'm scared," Maxim cries.

"I know," Erwin chokes out as he rubs Maxim's shoulder. "I know." _But you don't have to be. They love you, and they'll always love you, no matter what. They'll always forgive you, no matter what._

_No matter what._

"Do you want me to take you back?" Erwin croaks.

"I-I'm s-sorry," Maxim stutters.

"I forgive you," Erwin tells him. "Come on." He hoists the boy up with his one arm. Maxim buries his face in Erwin's shoulder.

* * *

"They were just relieved he came back and apologized," Erwin tells Levi and Hange that evening. Candles flicker, sending shadows dancing.

"Poor kid," Hange says sympathetically.

"It's good he had the chance to apologize," Erwin says as he sips a cup of coffee. There's sugar and cream in it. He makes a face. Hange looks unapologetic.

"Meaning?" prompts Levi.

"I'd give anything for the chance to apologize to my father," Erwin admits.

Levi covers his eyes with his hands.

Erwin sets the cup down. "Every time I think about putting being impressed with my peers over my father's own life—"

"Erwin. Again. You were a child," Levi tells him, ripping his hand away from his eyes and glowering at him. " _You didn't know."_

"I wouldn't hold Isabel or Kuno responsible for anything they said foolishly," Hange says.

"Even if it cost Levi his life?"

"Better my life than theirs," Levi retorts.

"What was Eren's reaction, when he came back?" Hange questions. "Besides just 'relieved.'"

"He cried," Erwin admits. "And hugged Maxim."

"I hope you know," Levi says with careful deliberation. "That that is exactly what your father would have done if he'd been able to."

Erwin's heart freezes in his chest. His lungs won't constrict.

_It's not._

"Don't you dare deny it, Eyebrows," Levi warns him. "Hange and I are parents. You're an uncle to all of these kids. You can't tell me you'd fault one of them if they were to rat someone out in innocence."

"I wasn't innocent," Erwin ekes out. Air scrapes his nostrils— _breathe, dammit_. "I wanted to impress—"

"Like every kid?" Hange asks dryly. "Haven't you seen how Lukas picks flowers for Carla? How she dresses nice when he's around? How Kuno shows off whenever Erwin Jr.'s nearby?"

"It's not the same. He told me he'd tell me at home; I should have kept it at home."

"Yeah, because it makes total sense to entrust top secrets to eight-year-olds," Levi says with a snort. "Worked really well for Grisha Jaeger. Both times. The only reason some good came of it the second time was that Eren happened to save us all even if he drove us all batshit crazy in the process."

"Don't compare—you can't blame—"

"No, Erwin, I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying. Your father took a risk; it was his choice to take that risk, and it backfired but you made something good out of it."

"I cost him his _life_ ," Erwin insists, knotting his hand up into a fist. His wrist aches and he can't let it go, keeps squeezing his own bones because hell, this knowledge, this guilt—it's strangling him. _It's going to crush me._

"Let me repeat myself," Levi says, eyes glittering. "Your father loved you, from what you've told me. If he could reach out from beyond the grave he'd hug you and just be relieved that you're okay. No, he'd be _proud_ of you for what you've accomplished—"

"I'm—" Erwin chokes out. "It was all for selfish reasons, you know that, Levi! You know that—"

"I know _you!"_ Levi shouts, rising. Hange's eyes grow wide. "You weren't perfectly pure of heart, so what? None of us ever have been. You aren't held to a different standard, and by our standards, we all really care about you and think you're a _good_ person, you got that?"

"Your father loved you," Hange says. "He would have embraced you. Levi's right."

Erwin can't speak. He feels as if invisible hands are strangling him and his fist shakes and shakes. _It's not true._

But maybe it is, and there's something so _wrong_ about that. "He shouldn't—I took his _life!_ He might have loved me but I didn't love him, not enough—"

"Love isn't perfect. Your father knew you loved him." Hange glares at him. "Let me tell you, Erwin, that Isabel's told me she hates me before. Does it hurt? Yeah. It makes me mad. But I _know_ she loves me because I know her—she's a good kid. And you're—"

Erwin's fist releases, the muscles throbbing. He doubles over, thoughts whirring through his mind, tearing and ripping through everything he thought he knew. _You shouldn't. You can't._ Something wet stings his cheeks.

"Is he _crying?"_ Hange hisses.

"Don't know," Levi responds.

 _I love you, Dad,_ Erwin wants to say. _I really, really loved you. I still do._

"In his last moments, he wasn't horrified by you," Levi says, going in for the kill. "He was probably just praying and pleading for them to leave his son alone. That's what I would do."

_As if anyone would ever overpower you, Ackerman._

"You shouldn't keep living because of his death," Hange says. "Not anymore. I mean, strictly speaking, it did serve us well. But you should live because of his love, and because that's what parents who love their kids would want. I promise you."

"I wish I could believe it," Erwin manages.

"We'll help you," Levi says. "I'll remind you so much you'll get sick of me."

Erwin can't help but snort. He doesn't remember the last time he cried—it's been years for sure. "Thank you," he says. "Thank you."

When Erwin closes his eyes, it still takes work to picture his father caressing his face, being kind instead of glaring with bruises. But he can see his father's face whole, and if he tries, he can hold the image.

It's a start.


	10. Happy (belated) Birthday, Erwin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! This is the last chapter (kinda an epilogue, really.)

"Long time no see," Nile comments as he picks up a glass of beer. Men and women mill around them, electric lights glaring from up above. The stick sweet smell of alcohol permeates the air, and sweat prickles on Erwin's neck, despite the fact that it's frigid and snowing outside.

Erwin shrugs. He's exhausted after traveling for ten hours to reach this city in Marlay. Levi and Hange left the bar already to get some sleep. "Was busy."

"I heard. I'm glad you were all able to save those kids." Nile shudders as he drops onto a stool next to Erwin. "I can't imagine if any of mine were threatened."

Erwin nods, bringing his beer to his lips. It's good, strong. "How are the kids? And Marie?"

Nile smirks, rubbing his chin. "They're doing well. We thought we were going to have a fourth, but we miscarried."

Erwin pushes his beer away from him. "I'm so sorry."

"It's life," Nile says with a shrug. "Death comes even if we're not facing imminent destruction."

Erwin catches a glimpse of an older gentleman scowling at him, at his arm. Instinctively Erwin moves to cover the nub of his shoulder.

_Why, though?_

He lets his hand drop. _Yes, I lived in the walls. Yes, I fought them._

"People can be so prejudiced," Nile grumbles. "Makes me wonder if the same cycle won't repeat itself. Except hopefully not with man-eating giants."

"Hopefully not," Erwin agrees with a snort. He takes another gulp. The alcohol seeps into his body, relaxing his muscles. _It's okay_. "I have some hope. The children will have learned some things, most of them."

Nile grins. "Agreed." He tips his glass at Erwin. "I always hoped you would find somebody and have some of your own. So I could set my son up with your daughter."

"And have her ruin him with all her radical ideas?" Erwin jokes.

Nile throws his head back and laughs. "Remember when we were in training? All the crazy ideas we came up with? Of what the future would be like? What we could do?"

"We never imagined we'd have this," Erwin says, gesturing to the craziness of the world the Marlay built, the world held together by a fragile document and people trying to obey it.

"No," Nile agrees. "We didn't."

"How are things inside the walls?" Erwin questions. "Levi doesn't share very much."

"You have your standard paranoids, your bitter people, and those who want to leave and who are too afraid to." Nile rolls his eyes.

"I presume Marie is in the latter group."

"No," Nile says, leaning forward. "I am."

Erwin blinks. "But you came all the way—you leave regularly—"

"But permanently, Erwin?" Nile shakes his head. "I'm not there yet." He snorts. "You always thought me a coward. Congratulations, you're right."

"No, Nile, I didn't," Erwin snaps. He gulps more beer. "You're not a coward. We've created our own community without walls, but we're still afraid to leave."

"But you did leave," Nile says. "You took that first step. I worry I'm limiting the kids by keeping them there."

"You can change that. We'd welcome—"

"Not yet," Nile cuts in. "I am a selfish parent and I don't deny it."

Erwin can't deny it either. Although… "Fear never completely goes away, does it?"

Nile laughs, the sound as bitter as Erwin bets the dark drink in his hand tastes. "Nope." He drains his glass.

Being around people who care helps, though, that Erwin knows well.

"Devil scum," mumbles the older man as he passes by.

"What did you just say?" Nile demands, getting to his feet.

"You shouldn't be hanging around with people like this," the older man says. "These Eldians. They'll never change. They're just lying in wait to make a—"

"Oh, cut it out," says a middle-aged woman with honey-colored hair. "The war is over. It's time to—"

"You aren't worthy of Marlay blood," the man informs her. He staggers, clearly intoxicated. His finger wobbles in front of Nile's face. "An' neither are you. Drinking with one—"

Nile's face pales. He can pass for Marlayan, Erwin realizes, because he's not obviously maimed.

"You're acting just like you accuse Eldians of—" the Marlay woman starts.

Erwin doesn't expect Nile to say anything.

"Worst thing we ever did was let them take their armbands off," the man continues.

"What, so you don't know who to assault?" mocks the woman.

"So we can't see the wolves in sheep's clothing," the man snarls. "If I didn't know you for years, Michelle, I'd say you're Eldian. Be careful."

"Are you threatening her?" Erwin demands, stepping forward.

"No, I'm jus' making sure you aren't threatening her," the man says, glaring up at Erwin, who may be missing an arm but clearly has several inches on him.

"You're the one threatening people in my bar," Michelle says calmly. "Get out."

The mans grizzled jaw drops, and Erwin almost feels sorry for him. "You Marlayans are all gonna stand for this? This—" He stumbles again, glaring to Nile.

"I come from inside the walls," Nile says, voce tight but unwavering. Erwin's heart lifts.

"If they don't want to stand for it, they can leave," Michelle says. "I want peace more than anything. And maybe they didn't even fight the Marlayans—there was brainwashing, right? You don't know—"

The man spits in Erwin's face. "Titan bitch."

"Get him out of here," Michelle yells to several bouncers.

Erwin glares at the man, his heart thumping. "I'm Erwin Smith, I was the Commander of the Survey Corps, and I'm not ashamed of what I did with the hand life dealt me," he says.

Silence falls.

"Well," Michelle says. "You see? No one can help where they're born. Get him out of here."

"Wanna leave?" Erwin asks Nile, who nods. They head for the door.

"Wait!" calls Michelle. "I want to apologize. We serve Eldians and Marlayans here—"

"I know, and thank you," Erwin interrupts as he turns around.

"I'm really sorry," Michelle says, wrapping her arms around herself.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Erwin says, clapping her on the shoulder. "Have a good night."

Someone cackles, the sound jarring as Erwin walks briskly back to the inn where they're staying.

"She was attracted to you," Nile comments.

Erwin snorts. "A Marlayan?"

"Apparently they're not all evil." Nile snorts.

_Neither are we.  
_

* * *

"Meeting went well," Levi confirms the next morning. Isabel and Kuno argue in the background as they pack up their bags. "That whole sect has been apprehended. Not to say there won't be threats in the future, but this one seems pretty much erased."

"Good," Erwin says.

Levi hesitates. "Heard what happened last night."

 _That isn't what you were going to say_. But Erwin opts not to ask right now. He'll wait until the kids aren't around. "Yeah. Things turned out okay. Apparently some Marlayans have our backs."

Levi frowns. "Wait, what?"

"What are you talking about?" asks Hange, yanking her messy ponytail. "Because I heard that a woman was flirting with you and you—"

 _Nile, I hope you die slowly and painfully_. "That isn't true."

Levi crosses his arms. Hange pulls off her glasses, squinting.

"Well, maybe," Erwin amends. "But we live too far away. And other things were happening around this." He explains about the older man.

"Asshole," Levi grumbles.

When they arrive back in town, the sun dips low on the horizon, spilling gold and orange over the gray winter landscape. "Can we go find Mira and Emma?" asks Isabel.

"Aren't you tired?" Hange asks, surprised.

"Hange, they have your energy," Levi points out.

"We won't be long!" Isabel chirps, clutching her bag to her chest.

"Um, okay," Hange says slowly.

"Thanks!" Isabel takes off, Kuno at her heels and the bag still in her arms.

"Don't you want me to take that?" Levi hollers. "Guess not."

Erwin tugs at his scarf. _Weird_.

"Thanks for coming, Eyebrows," Levi tells Erwin.

He nods, marching to his home, where he dumps his bag and heads out again. They have to be at Reiner and Bertolt's—Armin and Annie are too observant for Isabel to sneak anything by them. _Are they smuggling candy? Jewelry?_

Instead, as Erwin passes a small grove of trees, he hears squealing.

 _What the hell is that?_ Erwin steps closer.

Emma screams.

"Calm down!" Erwin cries out, holding up his hand. Emma, Mira, Johann, Kuno, Isabel… and a small silver critter clutched in Isabel's arms. "What is that?"

"He was hungry and kept following us around in the city!" Isabel protests. "And we fed her and then she wouldn't leave us alone."

 _A kitten_? Erwin's jaw drops. _Levi is going to lose his shit._ "Your father—"

"We can take it in," interrupts Emma. "We have a closet—"

"Are you actually planning on hiding this from your dads?" Erwin demands.

"Gabriel went to get food from his mom and dad," whispers Johann.

The kitten meows, pawing at Isabel's cheek. Erwin flinches. I _f it scratches—_

But Isabel giggles and nuzzles the kitten.

"We couldn't just _leave_ her," Kuno says, as if that would be the most wrong thing to ever happen. "She was hungry."

The kitten wriggles its way out of Isabel's arms and jumps onto the ground. Erwins tarts, expecting her to bolt. Instead, she prances over to Mira, who strokes her fur.

"What's going on?" calls Armin.

"Levi and Hange's kids smuggled home a cat," Erwin responds.

"What?" Armin frowns. Mira blanches. "Oh. She's cute." He crouches down and holds out his hand for the animal to sniff. "She can't be that old, either."

Erwin follows suit, kneeling. The dampness seeps through his knees, and the cat comes over to sniff him, and then—"Ow!"

Well, she didn't draw blood at least. The kitten backs away, as if Erwin's reaction frightened her.

"She gnaws at things," Isabel says. "But she's never broken the skin."

"It's okay, little kitty," Erwin says, holding his hand back out. She inches closer and puts two paws on his knees.

"Your parents are not going to be pleased that you smuggled an animal home," Armin warns.

"They wouldn't have let us keep her," Isabel points out.

"Somehow I don't think they'll be all that shocked, Armin," Erwin says wryly. He picks up the kitten. _She's so tiny._

"Maybe you should take her for now," Armin offers. "Erwin."

"Shouldn't you?"

"Maybe," Armin says. "But you're a better choice, and she seems to like you."

 _How am I a better choice?_ Erwin wonders. But the kitten curls up against his chest. "Fine."

* * *

Erwin wakes up in the middle of the night to something standing on his chest, and something wet pressing against his nose. He starts.

"Mrow?" asks the kitten.

"Oh," Erwin groans. "It's you."

The cat curls up next to him, purring, and strangely having someone there quiets Erwin.

He wakes to the sound of Levi pounding on the door. "Erwin! Open up!"

"You aren't my commander," Erwin calls as he hobbles out of bed and yanks the door open.

"So I hear you have a cat now," Levi says, eyes narrowed. The kitten peers at Levi from its place on Erwin's bed.

"Your kids are too much like you and Hange."

"Worse," Levi confirms. "What're you naming her?"

"No idea."

"That's a terrible name," Levi deadpans.

"Ha, ha." Erwin rolls his eyes.

"Anyways, Nanaba wants us over for dinner tonight." Levi hesitates. "There's something Hange and I have to tell everyone."

Erwin sets some water to boil, pulling out the tea. He grabs a can of herring and puts it into a bowl. The kitten rubs against his ankles. "Are you having a third?"

"What?" Levi yelps. "No!"

Erwin snorts. "What, then?"

"Well, it's about something that happened during our meeting," Levi tells him. "Hange was offered a job researching. In—Marlay."

Erwin freezes. "What?"

"She hasn't accepted yet," Levi says hastily. "But we're considering it. You'd be welcome to come with us, of course."

"That's wonderful for Hange," Erwin says, fumbling with the tea leaves. "A great opportunity." He remembers Armin and Annie, talking about visiting Annie's father again for her birthday. And Reiner and Bertolt considering accompanying them. And Mikasa and Eren musing about heading east to find out more about the East Sea Clan.

"I mean, she doesn't have all the training that the Marleyan scientists do, or even the Eldians who lived in the ghettos, but she's got a—unique mind." Levi leans against the counter.

"She's got a great mind," Erwin confirms. His heart stings. _How am I not used to loss_?

"Mrow?" The kitten rubs her head against his ankles. Erwin crouches down to scratch her ears.

"It's winter and fur is already getting everywhere," Levi says in disgust. "Erwin, your place will be uninhabitable by spring."

"Titans don't scare you, but fur does," Erwin jokes, reaching down to pick the kitten up. He scratches under her chin. "Maybe I'll name her Levi."

"I will cut off your other arm." Levi pushes past him. "I'll make the tea. Your fingers are soiled."

Erwin rolls his eyes. He's happy for Levi and Hange, genuinely.

* * *

Erwin leaves the kitten as the sky grows dark, so early now. He crunches through the frozen ground. The dark clouds brewing above promise snow.

The moment he swings the door open to Mike and Nanaba's house, he yelps.

Because there are far too many of them standing there. Mike and Nanabna, Sasha and Connie, Eren and Mikasa and Reiner and Bertolt and all the kids. Even Hitch and Marlowe stand there, Marlowe cradling Engel against his chest.

"Surprise," Nanaba says.

"What?" Erwin blinks.

"You wouldn't let us celebrate on your birthday, since so much was going on then," Hange says, flicking her nails. "So we decided to celebrate three months afterward."

"I mean—"

"We know what you meant, but you're not our commander anymore," Eren cuts in.

"We pretty much just don't care," Jean confirms, raising a glass of what looks like cider to his lips.

"This is your party," Nanaba says with a grin as she leans against her giant husband.

In spite of himself, Erwin can feel the back of his eyes burning. "The cat—you—"

"We tricked you!" Isabel says with a giggle.

"We knew you would take it in," Armin comments.

Erwin feels as if his face is on fire. _How did—_

"Thanks for helping me and Hitch out, particularly when I was being an ass," Marlowe says.

"Thank you for saving Gabriel," Sasha tells him, clutching Connie's hand.

"And me," says Erwin, Jr. Mike ruffles his son's hair.

"And me," says Maxim, playing with the scarf still wrapped around his neck.

"Thank you for everything," says Mikasa quietly.

"Thanks for helping our son not get killed," Marco jokes. In the corner, Erwin spies Lukas and Carla holding hands.

"And for listening to us," says Reiner, eyes somber.

"And thank you, Erwin, for helping get medicine for Mira," Annie says, her voice catching.

"And for watching our crazy girls," Historia says with a grin. Ymir winks.

"Thanks for busting up a gambling ring and still leading us when we need leadership," Petra says as Oruo wraps his arms around her. "And never hesitating to help us out."

"Thank you for teaching me how to keep living," Levi says. "With no regrets."

A tear slips out. _Dammit_! "Thank _you_ ," he chokes out. _Thank you for your faith in me, even when I don't deserve it. Thank you for treating me like I am a person. Thank you for caring, because I didn't realize how much that meant to me._ "But—this is kind of insubordination."

"Does cake make up for it?" asks Eld.

Erwin rolls his eyes. He watches as Erik and Kuno topple down a wall made of blocks, as Mira and Frieda giggle together. _We survived._

 _Maybe we'll all split up and go different ways._ _Maybe these trips outside of our haven will be more permanent._

 _But this night is still real._ His fingertips tingle.

"Levi?" Erwin asks. "When you go back to the Marlayan city next week, I'll come with you."

Levi raises his eyebrows. "Oh?"

Erwin smirks. "I've got a bar owner I want to see again."


End file.
